Could I be pregnant?

It is by no mistake that I am surrounded by women about to give birth but let's back up a little bit...So I have been committed to Intercession on Thursday nights at the church I'm going to. About a year ago (I think) I started praying that I don't have a clue what it feels like to be pregnant but I feel pregnant with a promise. That something HUGE is about to birth forth. My dearest intercessor Anna Renee starts crying out that she just cried out to God that evening before Intercession that she feels the same way only she has been pregnant and she knows. So the question is what in the world am I about to birth or is it symbolic of the church birthing forth something? I do feel like the church as a whole is about to birth a big time HARVEST! We are about to enter the Jewish year 5775 which is being explained as "The Year of Advance" and it's also a year of Jubilee! As for the year 5775 the number 5 symbolizes God's grace and the number 7 is perfection. There are two of each which is DOUBLE!! I'm cool with double portion!! So onto the year of Jubilee back in Old Testament times if you read in Leviticus the year of jubilee was when they were freed of their debt. The entire year was celebration nobody worked. I don't know about you but I would be ecstatic to be free of debt- it's been something I've been praying for! So all this said this is just a very significant time we are living in and I believe the church is being awakened and parts of the world are already experiencing outpourings of the Holy Spirit so could we indeed be about to experience some amazing times with great signs and wonders? Many souls saved? HARVEST TIME?

HALLELUJAH!

So back to me-personally......? There are specific things I have been praying deep for! One thing for many many years and I've just been truly ready to give up on it but then little reminders whether from reading the word, or through worship, or through a word from someone else, gives me the encouragement to keep pressing in and believing and TRUSTING and having faith that I will see a beautiful answer to this prayer! Then at work this past week involved in much pregnant conversation was another reminder to press in and not give up because right before you are about to give birth to this precious miracle it gets TOUGH! Let me tell you this pregnancy thing doesn't seem fun in the last months. It hurts, it gets uncomfortable, you swell, you contract, people say strange offensive things to you(ok I just wanted to add that one because I'm baffled at what people say out loud sometimes) you want this baby OUT! Kinda like my life right now- it hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I WANT MY MIRACLE NOW!! I'm sure glad Jesus walked this earth and understands our trials and He is so merciful and loving because gosh I can get mad at HIM at times and I give it to HIM! This week I have yelled a lot in prayer! I am so thankful He can take it! He is not this angry God sitting on the throne with a paddle. Yes, He is a loving Father who corrects His children and doesn't always give them what they want because it isn't His best for them but He also loves pouring out blessing He truly does! So here I am expectantly waiting for that moment when the answer to my prayer births forth a miracle! Here I am expectantly waiting and hoping in the Lord!

So with that said I am going to be starting videos. Friends, most of you who know me know I am not the best communicator and this is a tough scary assignment and I'm uncertain what God is up to but here we go! Hopefully I can improve the sound and look of these videos but for now here is video number one and I pray it encourages you today and forgive me but I didn't end my prayer with 'In Jesus Name' so there it was- IN JESUS PRECIOUS NAME!!

Love you!
♥

You are Beautiful

I believe this season in my life is just to lay at Jesus' feet and let Him tell me how much I mean to HIM.

WOW!

I have put back on some weight and I'm just frustrated with myself. I am not eating healthy- I LOVE greasy, salty, cholesterol filled food! ugh! So I was getting ready and looking in the mirror feeling awful when I looked into my eyes and felt a very strong "You are beautiful" in my spirit. Well if that doesn't bring a girl to her knees- WOW! So Cabelas was the destination that day and so there are mirrors in many places throughout the clothing section. Everytime I would pass a mirror and start to think 'you fat cow' I started to speak TRUTH over myself. 'I am beautiful' 'I am wonderfully made' 'I am loved'

THEN this is how AWESOME God is!!! I get a text later on that says this:

Get in the presence everyday and let God tell you how beautiful you are

God is so so so so sweet!!!


So friends I believe this is for you as well. God is singing this over you! Receive it! Believe it! Let it go deep down into your soul and take root!

You are loved!!
 ♥

Give It A See

I am insecure. I have moments when I do not feel good enough and I feel like I can never do anything right. I mentally beat myself up a lot. Today though yet again another piece of my heart has been built up! God showed up in such a very real very sweet way. This morning as I was doing a worship with the word set at the church office (which is singing scripture) God again revealed to me how special I am to Him. How He thinks I am this beautiful treasure. Friends we do not realize how special we are to Him. God chose ME!  God chose YOU! He has all this love that He wants to share with YOU! He knew you before you were created. He had it all planned out. Your hair color, your eyes, your height, your personality, your gifts, EVERYTHING! When I complain about hating the way I look or about a certain personality trait i have I am hurting God because He loves me just the way I am. I want you to recieve this:

GOD LOVES YOU AS YOU! Stop trying to be somebody else! Stop getting frustrated with yourself! You are not ugly! You are not dumb! You are so very special so stop beating yourself up! STOP! Just be you! Yes you are going to mess up that is just a part of life but God will never forsake you in your weaknesses! Life will tear you down but God is right there waiting ready to pick you up like a father picks up his little child after they have scraped their knee. Let Him kiss your boo boo and not only put a bandaid on the pain but completely heal it!

So if I'm not already a complete wreck with this new revelation of how God sees me I hear a really great song that was written by Darin Rex. Once again God spoke straight to my heart and even though this song is probably considered more secular God can use anything He wants- He is God!
So ok let's get real here what girl doesn't love a song telling her she is a shooting star? I mean come on now! The romantic in me melted at the chorus of this song but even deeper I felt God tell me to open my eyes! Give It A See, girl open your dang eyes! Ok the dang part was for dramatic effect but seriously I felt God say, "OPEN YOUR EYES! You are amazing! Listen to me!! Do you realize how great we are together?"

I encourage you to listen to this song! Whether you are thinking about a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or even God maybe it's time you truly open your eyes to how amazing you are and how much you mean to that special someone AND to your heavenly Father. There are beautiful plans out there waiting for you....

IT'S TIME TO FLY

 www.darinrex.com 

Soundcloud Code

https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/159454240%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-GFMrA&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true

Lovesick

I lost myself and have been on a journey looking for her. In April I took a trip to Ihop in Kansas City and I encountered God BIG TIME! I fell in love and I fell hard! It's almost like I left my love back in Kansas and I'm lovesick. I know He is everywhere I go but the presence is so thick there and He met me in such a special way. Ever since I've been back I feel like I'm living out Song of Solomon.

Let me set the scene- she has met the love of her life.So incredibly in love they are and it's such a beautiful, pure, and holy love but like any relationship things get rocky and I feel like I'm currently living in Chapter 3:

Song of Solomon 3 Amplified Bible (AMP)

3 In the night I dreamed that I sought the one whom I love. [She said] I looked for him but could not find him.

 ² So I decided to go out into the city, into the streets and broad ways [which are so confusing to a country girl], and seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but I could not find him.
 ³ The watchmen who go about the city found me, to whom I said, Have you seen him whom my soul loves?
 
Have you seen my love? I can not find Him and I long to be with Him! Oh friends, I fell so in love but there are moments I feel like I lost Him. I encountered Him in such a special way but I had to leave and now we have this long distance relationship. I'm here in Pennsylvania trying to plan our big wedding but I'm so lovesick. I long to hear His sweet voice!
Do you remember preparing for your wedding? After a while all the planning gets stressful and you just want to be married in fact you're ready to skip the big celebration and just elope... oh I am so ready to elope. I just want to run to heaven and meet my bridegroom face to face!

When I walked into the prayer room in Kansas I felt this heaviness come on me and I just wept. The music oh my gosh I struggle explaining it but it just was so heavenly! I got this glimpse of heaven and worshipping God night and day. God's presence is so real and so tangible and so close! The truth is we can walk in that daily we truly can! During that week God just revealed His love in such a way. I've heard Jesus loves me all my life but I haven't fully received it...I'm uncertain I still have fully received it but once you get a glimpse of His love oh my gosh it changes you. I also had words spoken over me that week that confirmed what I have been feeling for my future and it was such an incredible experience. I came home floating! It was that light, butterfly in your stomach, joyful always smiling in love type of feeling and it lasted a few weeks but I've been fighting to get that back ever since it faded. I have moments now where I almost feel angry and I've had moments that I have reacted on those emotions and I'm in the wrong completely! I'm not keeping my eyes on the one I claim to love. I'm living in my carnal nature and I'm looking to myself and circumstances and not trusting God and not letting His peace flow through me. I feel like such a foreigner. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I struggle with conversations, I hate the world and what it's become, I just want to worship God all day long- I know it seems so crazy according to the world but it's what I desire. Unfortunately I'm not exactly spreading God's love and I'm not exactly a ball of sunshine these days. So how do I live in God's presence daily? How do I shine His love? How do I let peace flow? How? I feel like I'm wasting my time, I'm wasting my life doing things that do not matter so how do I go to work, do laundry, live life worshipping God? What does worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth look like on a daily basis? Even if I'm not living out my dreams currently? How do I live in His presence and share it with the world when life is not going the way I think it should go? When I'm struggling in areas or with people in my life how do I let God shine through me? I think of the verse in Timothy:

^{2 Timothy 1:7}
 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

So is the answer self-control and discipline? I have been given the ability to control my emotions. More importantly to control how I react to those emotions. I'm learning more and more if I wake up feeling heavy discouragement I can speak the word over the way I feel. I can build myself up in faith.

Jude 1:20

But you, beloved, build yourselves up [founded] on your most holy faith [make progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], praying in the Holy Spirit;

 

I have the choice to live in my emotions or be determined to keep my eyes on God and speak truth over my emotions and build myself up praying in the Spirit daily. I may feel lovesick but the truth is God is close and He is with me and I don't have to live like I'm so miserable. I have His joy! His joy is my strength!

I will continue running after Him with all of my heart until that glorious wedding day! And I am determined to take people with me and not turn them away but I can't do it without the help of God working through me! I will cling tightly to those moments when I feel God's presence. I surrender my will oh Lord! I desire to be so yielded to You that living in the Spirit always is so real to me and those who are around me! You are so good! You are so beautiful! You are so lovely, so worthy, so full of glory! I am so in love with you and I will wait patiently for that wedding day!

 

♥

30 day exercise challenge: Day#1

I have worked really REALLY hard to lose around 60lbs the last twoish or however many years it took. I just realized I gained back eleven and so it MUST end like NOW!

Soooooo

I am starting a 30 day exercise challenge. Enough is enough! I am whiney, I am feeling blek, I am eating crap, I feel bleck, I am tired most of the time and grumpy, did I mention I feel blek?! I worked too too hard to go backwards!! This is ridiculous!!

I have picked the T-25 workout because it's only 25 minutes and I'm trying to re-teach myself piano so that takes up time along with everything else going on in my life right now. I am committing to 25 minutes a day taking care of myself and hopefully out of that I will be motivated to make better choices with my eating but baby steps right now.....no getting overwhelmed and quitting! No! No! No! If I want to sing more I need to have endurance and stay hydrated for my voice and lungs!!

So with all this said I just completed my first workout and ummmmm about two minutes in I was done! I have not exercised regulary in (cough cough) three months! OOoops! Five minutes in I wanted to choose another lower impact workout and ten minutes in the sweatshirt came off! =) but I kept pushing and I DID IT!!!!!!!

WAHOOOO!!!!!

We were made to take care of our bodies people!! We can do this! To live out our callings being healthy!!

 

 

Speak TRUTH and LIFE over yourself! I taped verses and positive words on my mirror!! I plan to say these over and over and over and over until I start receiving it and believing it fully!

 

I love you guys!! You ROCK! Stay motivated!!!

 

Humility

When you see the word humility what do you see? Who do you think of? What is being humble?

You see I always thought I was humble because I thought lowly of myself. That's being humble right? Thinking yourself as lowly. Right? That's what I was taught in church. We are not supposed to be conceited it is a demand from God to not think of yourself as better than everyone else.

So what if a Christian has confidence?

Is that conceit or are we judging her as being conceited if she walks with her head held high knowing in her heart who God says she is ' a daughter of a king'.  ????

How much have we truly messed this up?

I don't know about you but I need freed from this because it's ruining what God has planned for my life. I can't get past my insecurities deep within. I have taken 'Do Not Be Conceited' to an entire opposite direction.


12/28/13

I wrote that in November and never finished it. I sit here at my computer honestly saying God is freeing me from the bondages of insecurities, people pleasing, of past hurts & judgments, lies....
There was a picture of me posted on Facebook and I was holding a beer!

*gasp*

Christians aren't supposed to drink

are they?

That's what I was taught growing up.. thou shalt not drink alcohol.

2013 has been truly a year of sifting and questioning and crying out to God and just sitting before Him and wow so much more!! Alcohol is a touchy subject with the religious probably right up there with homosexuality. The different opinions of alcohol can cause division within the church it's absolutely insane! I can honestly sit here and tell you I didn't drink the entire beer that was in my hand. I know my limits and my God does tell me not to get drunk that is in His word. I personally don't feel it's alcohol that's the sin it's how we treat the alcohol. Sex isn't a sin until we do it outside of marriage or with a partner of the same gender. Food what about food? It's for nourishment right BUT it can turn into sin when we become a glutton right?

So then I think to myself if too much alcohol causes me to be drunk and I want to walk in the Holy Spirit always then what's the point of even drinking quite honestly..... not truly sure. Most people drink just to get drunk I mean let's be honest there is a party spirit in this generation.
Anyway this is all besides the point because what I'm truly wanting to talk about is the judgment of it all. I've had so many judgments thrown at me over the years so the minute I saw the picture posted of me I immediately was stricken with fear and condemnation. I mean I was sick to my stomach. My brain automatically went to the what are people going to think? I started a new church and I'm on the worship team and I post all of this "religious" stuff on facebook I AM A FRAUD! I AM A FAKE! I AM A FAILURE! blah blah blah LIES LIES LIES!!! I took a deep breath and I started talking to God right there at my desk at work. I cried out to Him asking Him what He thought. I honestly prayed my guts out before the wedding months ago because I knew this would be an issue. I asked God about the alcohol thing and now here I am with a picture a very permanent picture regardless if I untag myself it's still there...
I asked God His thoughts because I don't want to fail Him and I don't want to misrepresent the church as a whole. I do not want to cause anyone else to stumble..

Do you know what He said to me?

"You are my daughter whom I am well pleased."

He said that to ME

Right now I would be posting my emoticon of the smiley crying it's eyes out. The overwhelming feeling that God is pleased with me was the most incredible feeling I have ever experienced. And in that moment I was freed from worrying about what everyone else was going to think. I am a child of the most High GOD! I am part of the royal family! WOW WOW WOW!! This God who sent His son (HIMSELF) to the world to save it! A drop of His blood would've saved us but he poured let me repeat

POURED out HIS blood for us on the cross by dying. Then He leaves us His Spirit...the helper! We have help to live this life!! WOW WOW WOW!!

I remember saying to someone that if we would just get a glimpse of God's love for us we would live differently! Ummmm well I was spot on with that comment! I can't even explain to you the freedom and the joy that has come over me! I AM NOT PERFECT! I am a sinner saved by grace! There is nothing I can ever do to repay God back for what He has done..... that is GRACE! He loves me! He loves me! He loves me! Repeat this- He loves me!! He loves ME! I am HIS child!!!!!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

We spend so much time telling eachother what not to do. What if we would share God's love I mean truly share God's love and allow eachother to receive it and then let God deal with their sins. Because let me tell you the closer I get to God the filthier my sins become and I want rid of them! I believe God is taking me higher and there are things I will need to let go of and things that maybe aren't even truly sins but just things that could turn into sin- does that even make sense?!?

I am so in love with the most high GOD!!!
♥

Healing

I have been a follower of Jesus forever. I was raised in a church, got saved at age 5 and I've never questioned what I was being taught I just always took every single morsel as truth.

Fast forward several years later and I feel like I'm in this season of questioning everything! I'm not questioning that God is real because there is just no doubt in my being about that. I'm just questioning a lot of creation, sin, free will, disease, etc.. With that said I feel God wants us to do this. He created us with these brains that can go so so deep with knowledge and although we will never fully have all the knowledge of God until we are in heaven and in our new perfect bodies I think it's ok to keep seeking and keep asking for more knowledge. The Holy Spirit was given so we could receive more..

With all that said I want to take you to an experience this week that is really making me wonder what is going on with me?! WOW! There is a baby I just found out about and he is due next week. This baby has a rare condition and he will be born without part of his brain, scalp, etc.. I know very little about this situation, very little about the family (started reading their story), but I have this strong strong feeling that he is going to be born healthy. HOW CRAZY right?!? I will tell you that earlier in the year God called me to intercession for Israel but it's become so much more. I just pray for EVERYTHING!! During intercession this past week I felt so strong in my spirit that this baby is fine! I wish I could explain this boldness I feel it's just so incredible! While everyone has accepted that this baby is not going to live long I am believing for health! I feel it so strongly that I spewed out these words at work the other day like word vomit. It just came pouring out without me even taking the chance to stop it! I started passionately asking, "Where is our faith? We serve this incredible Great God where is our faith?! I believe God's plan is for this baby to live." and so on something like that. My point was why are we all sitting around feeling sorry for this baby? Why are we taking the doctor's diagnosis for truth? (crazy right) Why don't we all just be radical and start praying for a miracle? These are my thoughts kids...these are my thoughts.
Ok so let's go deeper and if God's plan for this baby is indeed health why doesn't He choose to heal everyone? Why this person and not that person? Oh friends I wish I knew! If He performed miracles all the time would we truly seek His face? Isn't that awful selfish of Him? Friends, these are absolutely the questions I ask God Himself and He is totally ok with it and I think sometimes He just sits there and chuckles. Him and I have had many conversations about this free will thing. It just boggles my mind. Sometimes I wonder how much we cut our own lives short because of this free will. We have choices. We can choose to drink alcohol and get in the vehicle, we can choose to eat junk food all the time and risk a heart attack, etc.. Then I think of cancer and how awful it is. Why? Why is it hurting so many families? I don't know all I know is this land is cursed because of the fall of Adam and thank God for His spirit because I could not live day to day without Him! I can't answer the questions why God has healed Suzie Que and not Fred I just don't have the answers.
I do know that I feel I am being called to an even deeper level of intercession and I will continue to do my best at being obedient with what God puts on my heart to pray for. I will be praying for this baby until he is born.

We are living in exciting times friends! Exciting times!