Could I be pregnant?

It is by no mistake that I am surrounded by women about to give birth but let's back up a little bit...So I have been committed to Intercession on Thursday nights at the church I'm going to. About a year ago (I think) I started praying that I don't have a clue what it feels like to be pregnant but I feel pregnant with a promise. That something HUGE is about to birth forth. My dearest intercessor Anna Renee starts crying out that she just cried out to God that evening before Intercession that she feels the same way only she has been pregnant and she knows. So the question is what in the world am I about to birth or is it symbolic of the church birthing forth something? I do feel like the church as a whole is about to birth a big time HARVEST! We are about to enter the Jewish year 5775 which is being explained as "The Year of Advance" and it's also a year of Jubilee! As for the year 5775 the number 5 symbolizes God's grace and the number 7 is perfection. There are two of each which is DOUBLE!! I'm cool with double portion!! So onto the year of Jubilee back in Old Testament times if you read in Leviticus the year of jubilee was when they were freed of their debt. The entire year was celebration nobody worked. I don't know about you but I would be ecstatic to be free of debt- it's been something I've been praying for! So all this said this is just a very significant time we are living in and I believe the church is being awakened and parts of the world are already experiencing outpourings of the Holy Spirit so could we indeed be about to experience some amazing times with great signs and wonders? Many souls saved? HARVEST TIME?

HALLELUJAH!

So back to me-personally......? There are specific things I have been praying deep for! One thing for many many years and I've just been truly ready to give up on it but then little reminders whether from reading the word, or through worship, or through a word from someone else, gives me the encouragement to keep pressing in and believing and TRUSTING and having faith that I will see a beautiful answer to this prayer! Then at work this past week involved in much pregnant conversation was another reminder to press in and not give up because right before you are about to give birth to this precious miracle it gets TOUGH! Let me tell you this pregnancy thing doesn't seem fun in the last months. It hurts, it gets uncomfortable, you swell, you contract, people say strange offensive things to you(ok I just wanted to add that one because I'm baffled at what people say out loud sometimes) you want this baby OUT! Kinda like my life right now- it hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I WANT MY MIRACLE NOW!! I'm sure glad Jesus walked this earth and understands our trials and He is so merciful and loving because gosh I can get mad at HIM at times and I give it to HIM! This week I have yelled a lot in prayer! I am so thankful He can take it! He is not this angry God sitting on the throne with a paddle. Yes, He is a loving Father who corrects His children and doesn't always give them what they want because it isn't His best for them but He also loves pouring out blessing He truly does! So here I am expectantly waiting for that moment when the answer to my prayer births forth a miracle! Here I am expectantly waiting and hoping in the Lord!

So with that said I am going to be starting videos. Friends, most of you who know me know I am not the best communicator and this is a tough scary assignment and I'm uncertain what God is up to but here we go! Hopefully I can improve the sound and look of these videos but for now here is video number one and I pray it encourages you today and forgive me but I didn't end my prayer with 'In Jesus Name' so there it was- IN JESUS PRECIOUS NAME!!

Love you!
♥

You are Beautiful

I believe this season in my life is just to lay at Jesus' feet and let Him tell me how much I mean to HIM.

WOW!

I have put back on some weight and I'm just frustrated with myself. I am not eating healthy- I LOVE greasy, salty, cholesterol filled food! ugh! So I was getting ready and looking in the mirror feeling awful when I looked into my eyes and felt a very strong "You are beautiful" in my spirit. Well if that doesn't bring a girl to her knees- WOW! So Cabelas was the destination that day and so there are mirrors in many places throughout the clothing section. Everytime I would pass a mirror and start to think 'you fat cow' I started to speak TRUTH over myself. 'I am beautiful' 'I am wonderfully made' 'I am loved'

THEN this is how AWESOME God is!!! I get a text later on that says this:

Get in the presence everyday and let God tell you how beautiful you are

God is so so so so sweet!!!


So friends I believe this is for you as well. God is singing this over you! Receive it! Believe it! Let it go deep down into your soul and take root!

You are loved!!
 ♥

Give It A See

I am insecure. I have moments when I do not feel good enough and I feel like I can never do anything right. I mentally beat myself up a lot. Today though yet again another piece of my heart has been built up! God showed up in such a very real very sweet way. This morning as I was doing a worship with the word set at the church office (which is singing scripture) God again revealed to me how special I am to Him. How He thinks I am this beautiful treasure. Friends we do not realize how special we are to Him. God chose ME!  God chose YOU! He has all this love that He wants to share with YOU! He knew you before you were created. He had it all planned out. Your hair color, your eyes, your height, your personality, your gifts, EVERYTHING! When I complain about hating the way I look or about a certain personality trait i have I am hurting God because He loves me just the way I am. I want you to recieve this:

GOD LOVES YOU AS YOU! Stop trying to be somebody else! Stop getting frustrated with yourself! You are not ugly! You are not dumb! You are so very special so stop beating yourself up! STOP! Just be you! Yes you are going to mess up that is just a part of life but God will never forsake you in your weaknesses! Life will tear you down but God is right there waiting ready to pick you up like a father picks up his little child after they have scraped their knee. Let Him kiss your boo boo and not only put a bandaid on the pain but completely heal it!

So if I'm not already a complete wreck with this new revelation of how God sees me I hear a really great song that was written by Darin Rex. Once again God spoke straight to my heart and even though this song is probably considered more secular God can use anything He wants- He is God!
So ok let's get real here what girl doesn't love a song telling her she is a shooting star? I mean come on now! The romantic in me melted at the chorus of this song but even deeper I felt God tell me to open my eyes! Give It A See, girl open your dang eyes! Ok the dang part was for dramatic effect but seriously I felt God say, "OPEN YOUR EYES! You are amazing! Listen to me!! Do you realize how great we are together?"

I encourage you to listen to this song! Whether you are thinking about a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or even God maybe it's time you truly open your eyes to how amazing you are and how much you mean to that special someone AND to your heavenly Father. There are beautiful plans out there waiting for you....

IT'S TIME TO FLY

 www.darinrex.com 

Soundcloud Code

https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/159454240%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-GFMrA&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true

Lovesick

I lost myself and have been on a journey looking for her. In April I took a trip to Ihop in Kansas City and I encountered God BIG TIME! I fell in love and I fell hard! It's almost like I left my love back in Kansas and I'm lovesick. I know He is everywhere I go but the presence is so thick there and He met me in such a special way. Ever since I've been back I feel like I'm living out Song of Solomon.

Let me set the scene- she has met the love of her life.So incredibly in love they are and it's such a beautiful, pure, and holy love but like any relationship things get rocky and I feel like I'm currently living in Chapter 3:

Song of Solomon 3 Amplified Bible (AMP)

3 In the night I dreamed that I sought the one whom I love. [She said] I looked for him but could not find him.

 ² So I decided to go out into the city, into the streets and broad ways [which are so confusing to a country girl], and seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but I could not find him.
 ³ The watchmen who go about the city found me, to whom I said, Have you seen him whom my soul loves?
 
Have you seen my love? I can not find Him and I long to be with Him! Oh friends, I fell so in love but there are moments I feel like I lost Him. I encountered Him in such a special way but I had to leave and now we have this long distance relationship. I'm here in Pennsylvania trying to plan our big wedding but I'm so lovesick. I long to hear His sweet voice!
Do you remember preparing for your wedding? After a while all the planning gets stressful and you just want to be married in fact you're ready to skip the big celebration and just elope... oh I am so ready to elope. I just want to run to heaven and meet my bridegroom face to face!

When I walked into the prayer room in Kansas I felt this heaviness come on me and I just wept. The music oh my gosh I struggle explaining it but it just was so heavenly! I got this glimpse of heaven and worshipping God night and day. God's presence is so real and so tangible and so close! The truth is we can walk in that daily we truly can! During that week God just revealed His love in such a way. I've heard Jesus loves me all my life but I haven't fully received it...I'm uncertain I still have fully received it but once you get a glimpse of His love oh my gosh it changes you. I also had words spoken over me that week that confirmed what I have been feeling for my future and it was such an incredible experience. I came home floating! It was that light, butterfly in your stomach, joyful always smiling in love type of feeling and it lasted a few weeks but I've been fighting to get that back ever since it faded. I have moments now where I almost feel angry and I've had moments that I have reacted on those emotions and I'm in the wrong completely! I'm not keeping my eyes on the one I claim to love. I'm living in my carnal nature and I'm looking to myself and circumstances and not trusting God and not letting His peace flow through me. I feel like such a foreigner. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I struggle with conversations, I hate the world and what it's become, I just want to worship God all day long- I know it seems so crazy according to the world but it's what I desire. Unfortunately I'm not exactly spreading God's love and I'm not exactly a ball of sunshine these days. So how do I live in God's presence daily? How do I shine His love? How do I let peace flow? How? I feel like I'm wasting my time, I'm wasting my life doing things that do not matter so how do I go to work, do laundry, live life worshipping God? What does worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth look like on a daily basis? Even if I'm not living out my dreams currently? How do I live in His presence and share it with the world when life is not going the way I think it should go? When I'm struggling in areas or with people in my life how do I let God shine through me? I think of the verse in Timothy:

^{2 Timothy 1:7}
 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

So is the answer self-control and discipline? I have been given the ability to control my emotions. More importantly to control how I react to those emotions. I'm learning more and more if I wake up feeling heavy discouragement I can speak the word over the way I feel. I can build myself up in faith.

Jude 1:20

But you, beloved, build yourselves up [founded] on your most holy faith [make progress, rise like an edifice higher and higher], praying in the Holy Spirit;

 

I have the choice to live in my emotions or be determined to keep my eyes on God and speak truth over my emotions and build myself up praying in the Spirit daily. I may feel lovesick but the truth is God is close and He is with me and I don't have to live like I'm so miserable. I have His joy! His joy is my strength!

I will continue running after Him with all of my heart until that glorious wedding day! And I am determined to take people with me and not turn them away but I can't do it without the help of God working through me! I will cling tightly to those moments when I feel God's presence. I surrender my will oh Lord! I desire to be so yielded to You that living in the Spirit always is so real to me and those who are around me! You are so good! You are so beautiful! You are so lovely, so worthy, so full of glory! I am so in love with you and I will wait patiently for that wedding day!

 

♥

30 day exercise challenge: Day#1

I have worked really REALLY hard to lose around 60lbs the last twoish or however many years it took. I just realized I gained back eleven and so it MUST end like NOW!

Soooooo

I am starting a 30 day exercise challenge. Enough is enough! I am whiney, I am feeling blek, I am eating crap, I feel bleck, I am tired most of the time and grumpy, did I mention I feel blek?! I worked too too hard to go backwards!! This is ridiculous!!

I have picked the T-25 workout because it's only 25 minutes and I'm trying to re-teach myself piano so that takes up time along with everything else going on in my life right now. I am committing to 25 minutes a day taking care of myself and hopefully out of that I will be motivated to make better choices with my eating but baby steps right now.....no getting overwhelmed and quitting! No! No! No! If I want to sing more I need to have endurance and stay hydrated for my voice and lungs!!

So with all this said I just completed my first workout and ummmmm about two minutes in I was done! I have not exercised regulary in (cough cough) three months! OOoops! Five minutes in I wanted to choose another lower impact workout and ten minutes in the sweatshirt came off! =) but I kept pushing and I DID IT!!!!!!!

WAHOOOO!!!!!

We were made to take care of our bodies people!! We can do this! To live out our callings being healthy!!

 

 

Speak TRUTH and LIFE over yourself! I taped verses and positive words on my mirror!! I plan to say these over and over and over and over until I start receiving it and believing it fully!

 

I love you guys!! You ROCK! Stay motivated!!!