11/29/11

Just a little Request for 2012...

Dear God, My prayer for 2012 is for A fat bank account & a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year. AMEN! This is the cutest forward I just LOVE it! As I'm reading it over I am made aware that God really can make this happen if we just go to Him in prayer. Now don't get me wrong it's not like He will wave His magic wand and poof you're thin & rich (dang) but if you work hard and do your part and it is in His perfect will for you it will happen. He has helped me so much in these last two weeks and all I had to do was ask and surrender my life back over to Him & NOT take it back to control.        ********* Drum roll please ********** I am down 4 LBS this week making my total 5 !!! wahoo!!!!! I feel in my heart it could've been more however I had chips with my sandwitch the other day and I didn't stop at my portion. Chips are my weakness (well salt) and I am just going to have to say NO until I am strong enough to stop when I should. Then we had Thanksgiving meal that evening and I had small portions but a lot of it was carb loaded sides. On a positive note, I took a walk with hubby on the mountain and 20 minutes was all uphill. I was huffing & puffing but I prayed through it and did it and it felt AWESOME!! I'm going to do this and it isn't always going to be easy but with God ALL things are possible!! I can see my attitude changing already and I just feel better overall! I'm taking care of myself and making wise choices and it feels GREAT!! ☺ ♥

11/26/11

Dearest Diary~

I was exhausted when I got home last night! So I wasn't thinking clearly...my mind was weak and not 100% strong and in control.  When I opened our one pantry there in front of me were left over chips I had bought for a get together. AHHHHH!!!!!!! My weakness is salt..... I LOVE SALT!! I had a rough time I really did!! I drank water, I decided to bake a frozen fish fillet, I started texting random people, etc.. just to get my mind off of these chips.  I talked to God I prayed for strength you name it I did it I was determined to control my flesh! "Mind over Matter" baby!! Good news is I DID IT!!!!! I did NOT give in and I was able to proudly drink a glass of wine because I was so good! Well, I had a cappaccino earlier that day but only a small which was around 140 calories and I cut back at lunch time to make up for that. AND because I didn't have chips I drank my wine... decisions were good yesterday!! :))
This morning I went out for breakfast and I got an extra plate and I only kept a portion on my plate and put the rest on the other plate. YAY ME!! When I got home I didn't sit down because I knew I'd be a "gonner" in other words MUCHO harder to get back up! I did some cleaning and then I did an exercise dvd. I will be honest I just don't have energy lately it's frustrating! I need to find a good vitamin and eat more protein & veggies! It was all I could do to get through that dvd. So sad that I've been going to the gym for over a year now and I am 10 lbs heavier and have no strength/energy! :(  Honestly I do the same routine at the gym only 3 days a week and I stopped dvd's at home. I deserve the results I have received I truly do but NO MORE!! It's go time boys & girls!!
Now I'm hungry again so I have to try to make a good choice for lunch because I am craving wings for supper! ;)

Hey I already told you I am soooooooo not depriving myself because I won't succeed if I do. That's how I gain weight back plus more!

Thank you Jesus for getting me through that DVD and I am thanking you ahead of time for giving me the strength to do more cleaning and get on the treadmill later!!

 ♥

Discipline

1 Corinthians 9:27

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁷ But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified

I need to discipline my body.... not only my physical body but also spiritual. Here is this verse looked at another way:

1 Corinthians 9:27

The Message (MSG)

 ^26-27I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.

WOW!! If I want to live the life God has for me I MUST keep my body conditioned AND my mind!

                               MY MIND NEEDS DISCIPLINED!!

I am learning I need to stay in control of my flesh! Somehow bring my flesh & mind into unity & stop spoiling my flesh! It does NOT need all the excess food I give it. I am learning to say, "NO!" to myself and "No Thank You!" to others. For a 5 foot tall small framed woman I should only be taking in 1200-1400 calories. What you don't think about is how many calories are in that extra specialty coffee, the mayo on your sandwitch, or the side of ranch you dip your fries in. Stop letting your flesh get it's own way!! I am changing my way of thinking this time around! I don't mean depriving myself either because that backfires for me. Have that bowl of icecream but only a serving NOT the entire container and work it into your plan! Exercize a little extra or cut back on something else that day!
I also need to keep my spiritual life in check especially for those stressful days when I just want to eat!
Stay close to God!!
Memorize scripture so it's embedded in my mind and ready to recite at the perfect time!

11/22/11

Dear Diary~

    So I'm only down a pound but I know why....... WEEKENDS kill me!! I ruin all my hard work in just two days and I need to learn to control that.

I just went to set up sound at church during my lunch break due to singing tomorrow evening and there was a stop made at McDonalds. I totally did NOT get a thing because I packed my lunch. (turkey on whole wheat sandwitch thin & yogurt) (((sigh))) That was difficult smelling that food and the sad thing is that mcd's & the church, are like a mile from where I work (little more) so the ride was not long but that was the longest ride EVER. HOWEVER I am so proud of myself because I am taking baby steps to controlling my flesh and I'm excited!!

I'm learning to change my way of thinking. I'm not only changing physically I am more importantly changing spiritually.

You are For Me

Kari Jobe wrote this song & wow wow wow!! My favorite line 'You will never forsake me in my weaknessess'  (((((sigh)))))

My #1 goal in all of this is to become closer to God. To get back on track living out HIS HIS HIS will for me. I know I have greatness in me but I have to let him drive! **snicker** .....cuz we all know my driving sucks!! ;))
God is so good! So faithful! WoW!!

You know what I was thinking today? If I have the ability to make everyone aware of how much I LOVE BACON how amazing it would be to let them all know how much I love God! I'm ashamed.... I have NOT been living the life I should be living but He will not forsake me and each day is a new day! I'm excited! I'm excited to turn my life around and make positive changes in not only my physical life but my spiritual life!!


and to someday sing in my youtube videos showing my face and not making it blury!!

♥

Hello Gorgeous

I totally stole this from my coworker who stole it from a motivational speaker.

Here is your homework:

1. Everytime you look in the mirror say, "Hello Georgeous!!" instead of picking out your flaws.

2. Look at yourself and tell yourself what you like about you physically.
Me: I love my eyes & Tyra Banks would be so proud that i can soo smile with them ☺


3. Tell yourself what you like about your personality
Me: I love my caring heart. I not only pray for the victim I pray for the person who hurt the victim because something happened in their life that hurt them.


Don't say anything negative to yourself or to someone else about yourself this week!!! 

11/13/11

Dear Diary~

If the only time you decide to enjoy yourself is when everything is perfect, you are never going to have much fun! -Joyce Meyer

WOW WOW WOW!!

This quote hit me in a big way. I think I will enjoy life more when I'm skinny again. Um HELLO!?!? I'm still going to be going to the same job, have the same husband, the same routine, etc (at least I hope to) why would it be better when I'm thin? Why not enjoy things now? Muffin top & all!?!

Today I'm getting this week's menus together and I'm making changes. My main goal this week is to limit the alcohol. Yesterday I went shopping and I am determined to NOT buy things in xtra large by the end of the year!! This I can do!! I want to wear t-shirt & jeans by spring(without being self conscious of my gut & hulk arms)! I want to actually wear shorts this summer(haven't worn shorts in years)! For Christmas next year I want to make the husband a sports illustrated type calender only of me! ;) By next winter I want to wear skinny jeans with hooker boots!

But today I am enjoying my muffin top while it's still there because soon it will be gone....

boo hoo :'(



NOT

11/11/11

Dear Diary:

   I'm sitting here trying to remember when I stopped loving myself and who I am. Maybe I never truly have I'm not even sure. I remember being called short and fat and dumb in elementary school was that when I decided I wanted to be somebody else? In junior high when the kids begged me to say a swear word because I was little miss church girl? In High School when I was the chubby cheerleader kept on the JV squad because of it. When did I truly ever like myself? I have been abusing my body for many many years. I started taking diet shakes at age 13, starving myself at 14, diet pills at 15 or 16. Overeating and alcohol now take over my life and as I look in the mirror I wonder what it's going to take for me to enjoy life and enjoy being me? How many other women share this "problem" ? Let's be honest not everyone is beautiful not to the world. Society has this perfect image yet nobody holds the trophy. If you are different in anyway you are put down and beaten for it. Maybe your fat, anorexic, gay, transgender, have a disability, that's not beautiful. How can we love ourself when the world doesn't? How do I rise above my inner feelings & emotions and accept me for me? How do I learn to love myself at 180lbs? Why am I so obsessed with weight yet I try and try and won't succeed? Why am I so obsessed with changing my look? Who am I trying to be?

You know what? We are beautiful! Every single one of us IS beautiful damnit!!!

I am taking you on my personal diet rollercoaster but this isn't just a diet this is a self discovery to loving myself and maybe just maybe I can help others learn to love themselves too.