Pushing through

When I started this "diet" journey I knew there would come a time I would hit that blasted brick wall. Losing weight would come to a halt and I would just be exhausted and start making small poor choices which lead to bigger ones which lead to gaining all my weight back and once again be miserable. It's the process I have been through countless times and I knew it would happen but this time I was preparing myself for that moment. I was determined when that moment would come I would be ready! Well praise Jesus that moment hasn't come yet however what I wasn't preparing for was the anxiety/depression to come back. My mood has been so upbeat and I have that inner joy I've been longing for and I know it's from drawing closer to my Jesus. I believe eating properly and exercise and prayer and reading my bible have all helped with me not having to take medication. Then Sunday my mood went downhill and I mean down down debbie down. One minute I was weepy and would cry and the next I was just angry at the world it was pms to the extreme. Come Monday I had a hard time at work so I had to just leave early. I don't understand what went wrong. I did my google research and was trying to figure out if something I ate/drank triggered the mood change or what. I came across this verse the other day:

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

~ James 1:12, NLT

Am I being tested? Is God trying to figure out if I'm truly ready for what He is calling me to do? I don't know but I was so determined to get out of this horrible mood quick before I allowed it to live inside me again. I do not want to rely on medication either maybe that's stupidity on my part if I do have some kind of chemical imbalance or bipolar disorder or something but I don't want to be on medications if I don't have to.
I made some mistakes with treating others cool earlier this week and I'm not saying I'm out of the woods quite yet but I feel better! I've been spending a lot of time praying and reading and listening to music and just trying to surround myself with positive things. I want the life God has for me!! I want it so badly! I am so ready to fulfill my purpose in life so so so so ready!

Sitting in my car in the garage is like a new thing for me. My little hiding place I guess (I don't even have kids yet LOL) I sit there and recline back and just ask God to speak to me and I try for a moment to just be still and actually listen. Sometimes song lyrics come to me and I jot them down, sometimes He speaks to me, sometimes it's just silent. Last night this song came on the radio and the words......... WOW the words!!

Here are some lyrics incase you don't have access to youtube

Song: Strong Enough
Artist: Matthew West

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me 

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak
I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Copied from MetroLyrics.com

I'm not strong enough to get through this diet alone. I am not strong enough to get through life alone but with God's strength I can do anything!

Here is a wonderful devotional that spoke to me today in a HUGE way:

http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/2012/how-to-avoid-bankruptcy-2/