It hurts

My heart hurts so bad. If it were up to me I would honestly lay in bed all day and be depressed. However it's not going to make life better walking around with a cloud over me and Abby absolutely did not like seeing me upset. This is probably the hardest thing I've been through. I will say I have prayed for strength many times but yesterday I experienced God's strength through me in a GINOURMOUS way! There was no way I could've lasted all day if it wasn't for Him pouring in His strength and Him placing me in the job I have with the most loving caring people around me. And you know Facebook is a beautiful tool to use to lift others up and gather in prayer. I felt the prayers going up yesterday. Going home after work was tough. Abby is supposed to be there and it hurts that she isn't. There was a moment my husband and I were on the couch and our other girls jumped up with us and it was all four of us and I looked at the girls, I looked at my husband and we both started crying. (sorry hubs i blew your tough exterior)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This hurts bad!!

Hubs and I looked at eachother later in the evening and we were bored. Taking care of Abby these last few months took up all our time. I went into the laundry room to feed the other girls and saw Abby's blanket and dish. I don't want to wash the blanket she laid on or the dish she drank out of! :,(

Please pray for Brooke. She is only six months younger than Abby but she has the same parents and she is sad sad sad. She just mopes around. Riley our two year old sniffed around for her yesterday but she seems pretty ok. Brooke I worry about. She lost her sister.....I sob at that thought of losing mine! ugh! Poor Brookie. :,(

I have a conference today I signed up for with the church I started going to and I don't want to go honestly. I'm hurting and I don't know some of these people that well and it's a conference for church leaders and I haven't even been going every week since Abby's been sick. All I know is I feel this crazy calling over my life and I felt like I should go so once again I need God's strength BIG TIME today!! Maybe this dream of mine will have it's first little breakthrough and there will be divine connections. To be a worship leader and sing every Sunday would be AWESOME!! God orchestrates crazy stuff so you never know!?!?!?

I pray you all have a beautiful day!
♥