Abby took a turn for the worse on Friday. She was just so so weak. Saturday she was still eating. We had been feeding her 5-6 small meals a day just to help her gain weight and strength back and she didn't seem to gain any weight but she was truly looking healthier if that makes any sense at all. Last Tuesday she didn't potty in the morning so of course being the worried mama that I am I went home and let her out and it was GORGEOUS out that day I remember and we had a beautiful time! She walked far just to potty and she layed in the yard while I played ball with the other dogs. It was a blessed day! Then she seemed extra tired the next couple days which was normal recently with all of this. It seemed one great day and then several bad days and we just came to accept it as the Lupus. Well Sunday the husband and I just knew something was very wrong. I'm not going to go into detail with things but she had much more worse with her than Lupus....she had to of. She ate and drank very little Sunday and in the evening things just got worse and Monday morning was bad. I called the vet to get more prednisone but asked questions on "making that appointment". Monday evening was the worst yet and it was clear what we had to do. This morning I made the appointment and tonight we said our goodbyes. As I sit here typing this I think I'm in the angry phase of mourning or something. I don't know what phases there are I never truly lost anyone close to me. I lost my grandma to ALS she was only in her 50's but I was so young and Sam's cousin was only 40 but I wasn't close to him sad to say. Everyone else I've lost in my life lived a beautiful long life. I experienced death with my dear friend Leah when she lost her fiance to a motorcycle accident. That was rough walking through some of that with her. Death sucks! Now here I am.... for anyone who knows us knows that these dogs are our kids. They are our life I mean our world revolves around them. Call it an unhealthy attachment to pets or whatever you want but we love our dogs! Abby was only seven! She was robbed of a full life! I don't get it! It's not fair! A big part of me wants very much to be angry with God! I prayed for healing and Abby was getting better what happened? Why? She was a good dog, so loyal, so special, she was my very best friend. When I was going through my season of depression she was right there. Why her? Why now? Why does the bad stuff seem to always happen to good people?
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????
I can't be mad at a God who is crazy in love with me. With a God who sent His son to die just so we could have life with Him again someday. So we could take the authority back from the enemy. He wanted us to have a life of peace but it was ruined with one moment in the garden. The world became destructive and He had to save us by sending Himself in the form of a man so when He died His spirit could live inside of each and everyone of us if we accept Him.
Jesus died for me and I absolutely deserved squat! I have to rest in Him knowing His plan is much better. We each have a certain amount of time here on earth and man if we get to live to be in our 90's that is truly truly blessed. I have to keep pressing on remembering I am here for one purpose and that is God. I desire more than anything to fulfill HIS will.
I had a war going on inside me today. A war between flesh & spirit. My flesh didn't want to let go. I selfishly wanted Abby with me always but my Spirit had this peace that it was time to let go. I could not have gone to work without God's strength in me. There was a meeting I very much wanted to be a part of at work and let me tell you after that meeting I felt like jello. Thankfully I was able to leave early to spend some time with my Abby girl before well....yea....
I declared peace over the room at the vet and let me tell you God answered that prayer in a big way. Everything just went so smoothly & peaceful it truly did. In this bizarre way I feel peace even though every part of me from head to toe hurts and I think I've cried enough to fill the Juniata River (dramatic much)
I feel peace within...
I pray whatever you may be going through that you are covered in God's peace. Thank God today for life and go hug your pet.
Abigail CurlySue Goshorn
1-31-06- 03-12-13
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