Runaway Thoughts

I had every intentions of this being my breakthrough exercise post! I got off track big time with my healthy living and while I was sitting in the McDonald's parking lot today I thought to myself that this is absolutely ridiculous! This girl has got to get back on track! I received the sweetest message from my cousin telling me how thin I looked and it meant so much to me yet here I am ruining all my hard work with grease! I even texted an INSANITY girlfriend hoping it would keep me accountable. I'm sorry to say it did not. I came home in a rotten mood and did not exercise. I was so angry at the world. So irritated to go back to work after a beautiful week away visiting my sister and their new baby boy! I even prayed this morning asking God for help with my attitude but I felt like He went MIA today! Where was He? I prayed for help why didn't He help me? My attitude was awful and kept getting worse. I was so irritated by everyone around me. I wanted to just get up and walk out at one point I was so frustrated. I didn't want to be there at all! Don't you people get it? I am supposed to be doing something else! Every part of my being believes there is something else in this world I am supposed to be doing that I was not made to work where I work doing what I do for a paycheck! WHY GOD AM I STILL HERE!?!?!? I became very angry at God today! All these emotions inside of me, the hurt, the resentment, the bitterness, the pain I thought I released at Jesus' feet came bubbling up today all at once. Why? What am I doing wrong? Am I the worst Jesus girl? Should I just give up and face the "fact" that I will never be Christlike that it's just impossible? I'm destined to feel like this forever?

Then I read my email and Melissa Taylor, who is leading the online Unglued bible study based on Lysa Terkeurst's book, had a blog post about chapter 10 'Negative Inside Chatter'. This chapter was written for me my friends! I do this all day long no joke! I was reminded once again that I am not alone and that yes I absolutely can do this! I can make progress.....imperfect progress because I am not perfect but good news is that nobody is!

Here's a part of Melissa's blog post:
http://melissataylor.org/

Just take a peek at the first page of this chapter:

It’s time to tackle negative inside chatter—those misguided thoughts that can easily turn into perceptions that then all too easily turn into dangerous realities. And realities based on runaway feelings rather than truth always lead to one thing—insecurity….Toxic thoughts are so dangerous because they leave no room for truth to flourish. and lies are what reign in the absence of truth.

Thinking runaway, worrisome thoughts is just an invitation to anxiety.

WOW!!! For those of you who don't know me, a month ago I had a health scare that led me to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. After being hooked up to all kinds of machines, tested, poked, and prodded the doctor diagnosed me with stress. STRESS! How embarrassing! When I read this chapter it was just so clear to me that my runaway thoughts are destroying my health!! I don't want to be in bondage to my own mind any longer! I desperately long for peace.

"O God chisel me. I don't want to be locked in my hard places forever. I want to be free. I want to be all that You have in mind for me to be" -Unglued