Humility

When you see the word humility what do you see? Who do you think of? What is being humble?

You see I always thought I was humble because I thought lowly of myself. That's being humble right? Thinking yourself as lowly. Right? That's what I was taught in church. We are not supposed to be conceited it is a demand from God to not think of yourself as better than everyone else.

So what if a Christian has confidence?

Is that conceit or are we judging her as being conceited if she walks with her head held high knowing in her heart who God says she is ' a daughter of a king'.  ????

How much have we truly messed this up?

I don't know about you but I need freed from this because it's ruining what God has planned for my life. I can't get past my insecurities deep within. I have taken 'Do Not Be Conceited' to an entire opposite direction.


12/28/13

I wrote that in November and never finished it. I sit here at my computer honestly saying God is freeing me from the bondages of insecurities, people pleasing, of past hurts & judgments, lies....
There was a picture of me posted on Facebook and I was holding a beer!

*gasp*

Christians aren't supposed to drink

are they?

That's what I was taught growing up.. thou shalt not drink alcohol.

2013 has been truly a year of sifting and questioning and crying out to God and just sitting before Him and wow so much more!! Alcohol is a touchy subject with the religious probably right up there with homosexuality. The different opinions of alcohol can cause division within the church it's absolutely insane! I can honestly sit here and tell you I didn't drink the entire beer that was in my hand. I know my limits and my God does tell me not to get drunk that is in His word. I personally don't feel it's alcohol that's the sin it's how we treat the alcohol. Sex isn't a sin until we do it outside of marriage or with a partner of the same gender. Food what about food? It's for nourishment right BUT it can turn into sin when we become a glutton right?

So then I think to myself if too much alcohol causes me to be drunk and I want to walk in the Holy Spirit always then what's the point of even drinking quite honestly..... not truly sure. Most people drink just to get drunk I mean let's be honest there is a party spirit in this generation.
Anyway this is all besides the point because what I'm truly wanting to talk about is the judgment of it all. I've had so many judgments thrown at me over the years so the minute I saw the picture posted of me I immediately was stricken with fear and condemnation. I mean I was sick to my stomach. My brain automatically went to the what are people going to think? I started a new church and I'm on the worship team and I post all of this "religious" stuff on facebook I AM A FRAUD! I AM A FAKE! I AM A FAILURE! blah blah blah LIES LIES LIES!!! I took a deep breath and I started talking to God right there at my desk at work. I cried out to Him asking Him what He thought. I honestly prayed my guts out before the wedding months ago because I knew this would be an issue. I asked God about the alcohol thing and now here I am with a picture a very permanent picture regardless if I untag myself it's still there...
I asked God His thoughts because I don't want to fail Him and I don't want to misrepresent the church as a whole. I do not want to cause anyone else to stumble..

Do you know what He said to me?

"You are my daughter whom I am well pleased."

He said that to ME

Right now I would be posting my emoticon of the smiley crying it's eyes out. The overwhelming feeling that God is pleased with me was the most incredible feeling I have ever experienced. And in that moment I was freed from worrying about what everyone else was going to think. I am a child of the most High GOD! I am part of the royal family! WOW WOW WOW!! This God who sent His son (HIMSELF) to the world to save it! A drop of His blood would've saved us but he poured let me repeat

POURED out HIS blood for us on the cross by dying. Then He leaves us His Spirit...the helper! We have help to live this life!! WOW WOW WOW!!

I remember saying to someone that if we would just get a glimpse of God's love for us we would live differently! Ummmm well I was spot on with that comment! I can't even explain to you the freedom and the joy that has come over me! I AM NOT PERFECT! I am a sinner saved by grace! There is nothing I can ever do to repay God back for what He has done..... that is GRACE! He loves me! He loves me! He loves me! Repeat this- He loves me!! He loves ME! I am HIS child!!!!!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

We spend so much time telling eachother what not to do. What if we would share God's love I mean truly share God's love and allow eachother to receive it and then let God deal with their sins. Because let me tell you the closer I get to God the filthier my sins become and I want rid of them! I believe God is taking me higher and there are things I will need to let go of and things that maybe aren't even truly sins but just things that could turn into sin- does that even make sense?!?

I am so in love with the most high GOD!!!
♥

Healing

I have been a follower of Jesus forever. I was raised in a church, got saved at age 5 and I've never questioned what I was being taught I just always took every single morsel as truth.

Fast forward several years later and I feel like I'm in this season of questioning everything! I'm not questioning that God is real because there is just no doubt in my being about that. I'm just questioning a lot of creation, sin, free will, disease, etc.. With that said I feel God wants us to do this. He created us with these brains that can go so so deep with knowledge and although we will never fully have all the knowledge of God until we are in heaven and in our new perfect bodies I think it's ok to keep seeking and keep asking for more knowledge. The Holy Spirit was given so we could receive more..

With all that said I want to take you to an experience this week that is really making me wonder what is going on with me?! WOW! There is a baby I just found out about and he is due next week. This baby has a rare condition and he will be born without part of his brain, scalp, etc.. I know very little about this situation, very little about the family (started reading their story), but I have this strong strong feeling that he is going to be born healthy. HOW CRAZY right?!? I will tell you that earlier in the year God called me to intercession for Israel but it's become so much more. I just pray for EVERYTHING!! During intercession this past week I felt so strong in my spirit that this baby is fine! I wish I could explain this boldness I feel it's just so incredible! While everyone has accepted that this baby is not going to live long I am believing for health! I feel it so strongly that I spewed out these words at work the other day like word vomit. It just came pouring out without me even taking the chance to stop it! I started passionately asking, "Where is our faith? We serve this incredible Great God where is our faith?! I believe God's plan is for this baby to live." and so on something like that. My point was why are we all sitting around feeling sorry for this baby? Why are we taking the doctor's diagnosis for truth? (crazy right) Why don't we all just be radical and start praying for a miracle? These are my thoughts kids...these are my thoughts.
Ok so let's go deeper and if God's plan for this baby is indeed health why doesn't He choose to heal everyone? Why this person and not that person? Oh friends I wish I knew! If He performed miracles all the time would we truly seek His face? Isn't that awful selfish of Him? Friends, these are absolutely the questions I ask God Himself and He is totally ok with it and I think sometimes He just sits there and chuckles. Him and I have had many conversations about this free will thing. It just boggles my mind. Sometimes I wonder how much we cut our own lives short because of this free will. We have choices. We can choose to drink alcohol and get in the vehicle, we can choose to eat junk food all the time and risk a heart attack, etc.. Then I think of cancer and how awful it is. Why? Why is it hurting so many families? I don't know all I know is this land is cursed because of the fall of Adam and thank God for His spirit because I could not live day to day without Him! I can't answer the questions why God has healed Suzie Que and not Fred I just don't have the answers.
I do know that I feel I am being called to an even deeper level of intercession and I will continue to do my best at being obedient with what God puts on my heart to pray for. I will be praying for this baby until he is born.

We are living in exciting times friends! Exciting times!

What's next, God?

I haven't really talked about my trip too much to really anyone yet I've been home for a few weeks now. For those that don't know I went to Nashville to learn about the Christian music industry. I'm sitting here trying to reflect and figure out what I'd like to share but....

I'm overwhelmed. The entire trip was much much bigger than just chasing a dream I've had since practically birth. I've been on this journey of finding out who I am and what my purpose is and little pieces of the puzzle have been fitting together these last few years and my trip to Nashville was yet another piece. No, I did not get a record deal or make it further in the competition part despite meeting a ton of great industry people but let me take a step back and talk about divine connections that were made in a different way.. I had many people pray that angels would surround me and that I would find a special girlfriend to hang around with. Well, I can absolutely tell you that those prayers were answered BIG TIME! I met a gentlemen at the airport who use to sing gospel music and as we were walking to retrieve our luggage he starts praying over me.....ummmm complete stranger praying that I would be surrounded by those who will increase me~ ANGEL? I'm not doubting it was. As soon as I got to registry, I stood listening to open mic time and I saw a girl out of the corner of my eye and we were immediate friends plus her and her mom were staying at the same hotel! BOOM! Well she was outgoing which this shy girl needed and she just walks over and introduces us to a group standing around and we were all immediate friends and I can honestly say this group encounter was MUCH bigger this was a God thing.

Competition- I entered the competition part of the workshop and as I was in this room waiting to sing I kept praying that the Holy Spirit would take over and sing through me. Well when I got up to sing I sang 100% in the flesh and I felt NOTHING and the judges hated it! They were nice about it but it was awful! In that moment after I sat down I had a choice to make....I could either let that ruin the rest of my trip, be mad at God for not helping me, and question why He sent me there OR I could take their advice (voice lessons) and move on and keep a soft heart and enjoy the trip. I pouted in the flesh for a few moments and then I moved on!! I was determined to stay humble!!! Later that week I figured out why I didn't make it further in the competition. I would've missed some major major classes that had a HUGE impact on me!! God is raising up an army of warriors and I am one of them!! For now I feel strongly to stay put where I am and to sing to the forgotten....to keep doing nursing homes, add in some hospitals, keep going to the streets and add worship, etc..  No, it's not glamorous and no I won't get paid therefore I won't be paying the bills doing something I love HOWEVER we are living in the end times my friends and this life is not my own I am here to bring glory to my heavenly Father!! I am not here to strive being famous or living the glamorous life!

The very last day of the trip we were sad to go so our little group sat outside and worshipped God. During the workshop we would go straight to the piano during breaks and just worship it was so fun! Well this last worship session was the most powerful moment! We had people join in as they walked by .... Spontaneous worship is AWESOME! We didn't know each other but we were in such unity worshipping our sweet KING! There were prayers going up for the army of worshipers God is raising up!! There were powerful prayers and songs flowing in Nashville the last night of my trip it was INCREDIBLE!

Since the trip I have come home and got back in the same old same old routine. I'm not going to lie there are days I have to fight to keep the fire burning! It's difficult not to start grumbling and feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't turn in my two week notice at work and go back to Nashville to cut my record. I feel a sense of urgency to live out my dreams yet I'm at the same old job just trying to figure out how to fit in this music thing... I sang at a Sr Living Center just yesterday and it's just so humbling to sit there and chat with the residents and sing hymns with them! One woman was telling me about her house and how hard she worked to keep the outside looking so nice with all the flowers but now she sits in the Sr Living Center while her kids are selling her house and she feels she worked hard for nothing

FOR NOTHING

It broke my heart!! Friends there is nothing on this earth we do for nothing! I told her I believe she will have flowerbeds in heaven to take care of!

Friends whatever it is that you were put on this earth to do please please seek God and do it!! You have a special purpose God loves you so much YOU are ALWAYS ALWAYS on HIS mind! He gave up EVERYTHING for you to have this life!! Surrender to HIM!!

I have no clue what is next for me but I will continue seeking God and drawing closer to HIM and allow Him to fill me up to pour me out! To breathe life into others! This life is not not not about me but ALL about HIM!!

Glory to God!!

The great Adventure

It's been a while since I wrote so what  have I been up to????

Well....

GROWING

God is taking me on this crazy wonderful difficult challenging journey! I have been digging deeper with God in the wilderness. Wow what a challenge! I am learning the fruits of the spirit, I am learning to walk in the authority God has given me, I'm learning my spiritual gifts, I'm learning to just be quiet and listen to HIM. I'm learning to serve, be kind, HIS LOVE HIS LOVE HIS LOVE!!

oh HIS sweet sweet love! It's sweeter than honey it's sweeter than anything I've ever tasted it's so wonderful!

I am also taking a huge step of faith and obedience. I am headed to Nashville next week to go to learn about the music industry. I am so excited yet so terrified! I am going alone and I have never gone anywhere out of state alone, I have never lived alone, I have always had someone to rely on. God is going to be with me and I am doing it afraid! My calling is music I have no doubt in my mind. I have peace about this trip and ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! I'm actually being an obedient Jesus-girl and I am so crazy in love with HIM!!!!

I am going to go out into the nations! I am going fishing!

So excited!!

Your Love For Me Is Overwhelming

Eleven years ago today I married my highschool sweetheart. He's away at camp and here I am alone with my thoughts but I know it's not by mistake. He's so hardworking he deserved a weekend away with the guys and my God had more to reveal to me about His love and He used this weekend to overwhelm me.

"You can love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime"

Let's go back to the beginning...Genesis. God created the heavens and the earth. Why?

For me! (For You)

Look at the beauty around you and it is proof of God's love. So why isn't HIS love enough? We women we melt with the sappy fairytales. We long to be the princess the prince rescues. We long to be pursued. Guess what? Even if our earthly lover isn't always the best example of mr prince charming give him a little slack since he's human and just not perfect but be encouraged that we have a God a perfect God who rescued us from death. We have a God who pursues us..HE chases us daily but do you block it at times like I block it? Or maybe ignore is a better word.. I ignore HIM and all HE wants is for me to crave HIM. All HE wants is ME, my time, my relationship, my love EVERYTHING but I'm too busy with my worldy pleasures I'm too busy being distracted and planning my own life that I don't always accept the pursuit. He's waiting with open arms every moment of everyday. Why isn't that enough? Why do I search for something I already have?

God my soul longs for you! God I desire to live a life so passionate for You a life so passionate that I get excited over something like brushing my teeth! God this life...this life You gave us is so absolutely amazing I desire to enjoy every bit of it! I desire to have everything YOU want me to have. Your ways are better God YOUR will not mine! I desire to be so close to YOU that I walk in your presence constantly. I long to be so in tuned with YOU that when I walk into a room the hairs stand up on people's arms because they feel YOU. The atmosphere immediately changes because of YOU! Your love God Your LOVE is so overwhelmingly beautiful! It's so much sweeter than anything I've tasted God! I accept the pursuit! Pull me closer God I want to know your heart! The more I find YOU the more I LOVE YOU! I praise you God!

Fulfilled

Matthew 6:3

New International Version (NIV)

³ But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing

 

 

When I started being vocal about my 30 Acts of Kindness I was drowning in thoughts of this verse and being a "hypocrite". It was like mr darkness was making me feel like a fake going public with it however I felt in my prayer time that I needed to tell others....

Let's look at another version of this verse..

 

Matthew 6:3

The Message (MSG)

^2-4 “When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure—‘playactors’ I call them—treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.

 

God knows my heart. He knows I was doing this for HIS glory and when I started inviting people it was to inspire them to also do this! Start a LOVE REVOLUTION if you will. My friend Leah and I have been on this journey the last several months of learning LOVE and longing to change the entire world one by one!! I took the idea of doing it on my birthday from someone and I hope that someone will take the idea from me.

It's storming outside at the moment so I will try to touch on some of the events that took place..

It is so hard to explain the joy that overcame me this past weekend. God showed up BIG and just letting Him take full control and learn to make decisions and be BOLD was just crazy for me! I got out of my little comfort bubble and it was AMAZING!!! On Friday on my lunch break my girl Cate and I went out and about and it was so fun! We left quarters at the laundromat and laundry soap, we stopped and gave a Subway gift card to a lady ordering her food at subway (beautiful reaction), gave cupcakes out, paid for a lady behind us at McD's and fed the birds french fries, it was just awesome!! Saturday I met Leah for breakfast and this girl walked in with her mom and I just knew she was the one God wanted me to approach. I was so stinking nervous!!! As I was walking over to her her mom got up to go to the restroom CRAZZZZZZZY!!! I laid down money with a little inspirational card and I told her I wanted to pay for her breakfast and I told her how beautiful she was. AHHHHHH!!!! She was so thankful!!!! We went to a Sr Living Center and spent time with the residents and sang and it was so special! We adopted a little lady who helped lead the hymns I had picked out and it was incredible!! Such a great visit!! We stopped at Sheetz where I got rejected by a gentlemen (he didn't want me to help pay for his gas) and it was ok I need to learn rejection. Jesus was rejected not everyone recieved Him or will recieve HIM but maybe just maybe I planted a little seed. Leah paid for a guy's sodas and the reaction was priceless. He asked how much he owed her......WOW we owe Jesus NOTHING!!! Leah told that guy he owed her nothing! What a witness in itself!! The entire day just felt so annointed! It felt so put together! I handed a guy out in his yard a grocery gift card, I annonomously paid for a guys lunch at a restaurant, we visited an old friend (best reaction ever she was so excited!!) Sunday my sister and I were at the dollar store and she was trying to figure out if this box of diapers was a good price and she pointed to this younger lady and said I bet she would know well when she pointed to her the Holy Spirit IMMEDIATELY told me she was "the chosen one" HAHA! I was to bless her somehow. So I'm in line paying and she's two people behind me but guess what?!? The guy behind me let her infront of him CRAZZZZZZZYYY!!!!! So I offered to pay for her things and she told me I didn't have to and there were some akward moments but she hugged me and it felt so good! I caught the girl behind the register staring at me and I thought to myself wow I am not only reaching the people I'm blessing but the people watching. People are watching and it is so much more important to me to just be the hands and feet of Jesus. To live this life pleasing to HIM and give HIM ALL the glory always!!! I also gave out a Kmart gift card (she asked why too funny), left little notes and money around, left quarters at the carwash, dropped off lunch for local EMS workers(very thankful). Last night I paid for a guys ice cream and he was so shocked it was adorable!! He couldn't believe I was paying for him...

 

Did I complete all my 30 acts of kindness? Honestly I'm not certain I threw MY plan out the window and I plan on looking for opportunities each and everyday. I feel so fulfilled!!

 

I am humbled to be a part of life at this exact moment and to be part of a generation seeking God! (Psalm 24:6)

I challenge you to bless someone this week!
♥

 

My soul longs for you

I have these moments where I think about my Abby girl and I just cry. I long to have her with me and this longing made me think....

Those moments/days after Jesus died how did everyone close to HIM feel? When Jesus died I imagine those two days were very depressing. I can feel that longing to be with Him like His disciples did. To yearn to see HIS face again, to spend time with HIM, to talk to HIM again....

Long as a verb is to crave, to desire strongly, yearn.

My soul longs to be with my Abby girl but even more so my soul longs for God! I desire strongly to be with HIM, to seek HIS face, to spend time in HIS presence...  How absolutely overwhelmed with joy the disciples and Mary and the people they witnessed to must have been in those days following Jesus' resurrection. When HE revealed Himself again! WOW! He isn't dead He is alive and He is with us when we receive Him! WOW WOW WOW!

HALLELUJAH!!

 God sent Jesus to die to take back the authority of the enemy. Before the cross the only thing to help sin was to sacrifice an animal and only the "religious" peeps could do it. After the cross anyone and everyone can repent and receive Jesus as their savior- EVERYONE!! It doesn't matter who you are what you have done you can have the Holy Spirit live inside of you.....

How absolutely mind blowing! Us, the saved proclaimed christians take for granted that because of Jesus sin has been washed away. Because of Jesus the Holy Spirit can dwell in us. Because of Jesus we can enjoy life. Did I mention the Holy Spirit can dwell in us?

dwell

in us

DUDE

dwell- to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside


HE can live inside of us people- and let me go a little further saying not just live but God's will maybe just maybe is for us to do the things Jesus did. Like maybe just maybe HE gave us HIS authority like the bible says. We have the keys to the kingdom my friends it's time to do GREAT things for the kingdom!

I feel a revival on it's way!!

HALLELUJAH!!

but first let's be kind to some peeps! Yesterday I was so overwhelmed with dread and I just wanted to go crawl in a hole.....know why? I'm about to do amazing things for God's kingdom and the enemy doesn't like it so he will do everything he can to stop it!

NOT HAPPENING!!

NOPE!!

I have 30 random acts of kindness to do buckwheat BACK OFF!! IN JESUS NAME!!

Go be kind!
♥

Kindness

When I started planning my birthday and doing the 30 acts of kindness I was so excited! I declared Love over 2013 and this idea was just perfect! Then life got in the way as usual and I became the Jesus girl who becomes shaken when things don't go the way SHE planned..

I became disconnected with God because I am unhappy with HIM. In December I said, "Yes God no matter what no matter how uncomfortable I will do YOUR will I SAY YES!" I surrendered and I felt God's presence BIG TIME! I was so excited to do God's will I couldn't stop seeking His face and spending time with Him. The Bible truly is The Living Word!! God was teaching me new things everyday. God was revealing things to me through His word and through other people it was so beautiful. Then 2013 came and things started getting uncomfortable. I started walking through some fire but God carried me out each and everytime. I remained in the word and kept pressing on but then a piece of my heart was ripped out when we had to make the decision to put our Abby down. I prayed over her for healing and I saw Jesus carry her and her results were coming back with no illness or disease and we were praising God so WHY did it come to this? Why did she go downhill so fast? Did I start doubting? Was it my fault? Why did I have to lose her? I am still heartbroken and I became very angry with God's plan if I'm being completely honest. I shut myself off and walked around with this heavy cloud over me and I didn't feel like planning this Acts of Kindness at all.

God revealed something to me one day I was really having a tough time losing Abby. He reminded me of the oil press....the moments before Jesus went to the cross. The suffering He endured to push through and continue God's will.

Mark 14:35-36 The Message

Going a little ahead, he fell to the ground and prayed for a way out: “Papa, Father, you can—can’t you?—get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want—what do you want?”

 

Jesus fulfilled God's will by going to the cross HALLELUJAH! He saved us by pressing on and suffering FOR US! What really hit me was AGAPE LOVE. The unselfish love Jesus had for God and doing His will and the unconditional love God has for US.

AGAPE!!!!!

 

I said yes to God's will no matter what! I can't expect the flood without a fire to put out! I can't embrace the resurrection without enduring the cross.

 

Matthew 7:13-14

 

¹³ Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it.

¹⁴ But the gate is narrow (contracted ^[k]by pressure) and the way is straitened and compressed that leads away to life, and few are those who find it.

 

Check out this Life Point from Joyce Meyer:

In Matthew 7:13-14 Jesus speaks of two different paths we can take in our lives; the broad way that leads to destruction and the narrow way that leads to life.

 

As I meditated on this passage, the Lord quickened it to me by saying, "Joyce, on the broad way there is room for all kinds of fleshly things like bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, and vindictiveness. But on the narrow way there is only room for the Spirit"

 

In the flesh it is easy to take the broad path, but the end result is destruction. It is much harder to take the narrow path, but in the end it leads to life.

 

Emotions tempt us to take the easy way, to do what feels good for the moment. Wisdom moves us to take the way that seems hard at first, but later on we find that it leads to life.
-from Joyce Meyer's Amplified Bible

 

 

I refuse to give up just because it got a little uncomfortable! I can't take the broad path this time it led me to destruction before I won't go there again! I'm living for my God and I want HIS will! I will continue to seek Him and enjoy this journey! What a blessing to be a part of this life at this time in His plan WOW! There is a flood coming my friends I can feel it I WILL press on!!
 

So back to planning my 30 acts of kindness and getting back out of the little bubble I go in when I'm hurt. It's time to change the world my friends!!

 

Proverbs 3:3

Amplified Bible (AMP)

³ Let not mercy and kindness [shutting out all hatred and selfishness] and truth [shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood] forsake you; bind them about your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart.

 

 

 

I am going to do this over my birthday weekend starting April 5th. I am asking for the following donations:

 

Weis gift cards

Sheetz gift cards

Cash (small bills)

Quarters

Laundry soap (small containers)

Serenditpity gift cards

Cupcakes or any homemade baked good

Meals
Toilet Paper

 

 

Friday

1.       Pay for someone's coffee

2.       leave quarters & laundry soap at Laundromat

3.       send care package to a soldier

4.       give gift to worker(s) at Wine & Spirits store

5.       take cupcakes to ladies at Subway

6.       pay for someone's parking meter

7.       pick up trash

Saturday

8.       send thinking of you card(s)

9.       leave goodies for mail carrier

10.   donate toilet paper to Food pantry

11.   volunteer at Food Pantry

12.   bring goodies for waiting area at Food Pantry

13.   leave generous tip for waitress

14.   pay for someone's movie

Sunday

15.   give gift to church leader(s)

16.   take lunch to firemen/ems workers

17.   sing at Richfield Sr. Living

18.   leave money in random areas at Dollar General

19.   pay for someone's gas at Sheetz

20.   hand out Weis gift card

21.   take carts back at Weis

22.   give a mom a spa gift card

23.   leave inspirational notes or money on cars in parking lot

24.   give out happy face balloon to kids at park

25.   leave diaper bag in restroom at park

26.   leave quarters at carwash (Mc Alisterville)

27.   pay for someone's icecream at CreamStop

28.   BE SILLY- laughter reduces stress

(get well balloon on roadkill)

 

29.    

30.    

Letting the Holy Spirit fill 29 & 30

 

Pray for this weekend that lives will be changed!!

 

♥

 

The box

My Abby is inside of a box on our mantle and it's weird. We got her cremated because quite honestly my hubby couldn't dig a hole and she was such a big part of us that we wanted her with us always so that was our choice. I had a message on my phone from the vet that she was ready to be picked up and my heart sank. Oh what I would give for it to be just an overnight surgery that she was in for but that just isn't the case. I won't get to see her do her happy dance, stretch and greet me good morning after a wonderful night being sprawled out on the couch on her back sleeping, or grab a huge stick outside and bring it to me.
I walked into the vet and the girl handed it to me and I looked at it and mouthed thank you and quickly exited because I started sobbing. I cried almost the entire ride home but God gave me the most beautiful songs on KLove radio for comfort and then the dj read Jeremiah 31:13

Jeremiah 31:13

b For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and make them rejoice after their sorrow. 

 

 

What a sweet little love letter from God at the most perfect moment. A reminder that HE absolutely cares so very much for us and I need to keep pressing on trusting Him. His plans are good even though I may not feel so right now because I'm still hurting. He is hurting with me He knows how I feel.

 

And nothing is hidden from Your sight

Wherever I go, You find me

And You know every detail of my life

And You are God and You don't miss a thing

 

 

Life goes on

One week ago we had to make the hardest decision of our life. Today I have this dark cloud over me despite the beautiful sunshine outside.

I'm not dealing well at all with this loss and I'm uncertain as to what is at the root of it all. Life needs to go on, I can't walk around depressed bringing everyone else around me down. I can't expect everyone to watch what they talk about afraid I may start sobbing (which happened at work already). Now I'm not expecting myself to bounce back quickly and not be sad of course I will be sad but people the emotions inside this girl are CRAZY right now!!!!!! I am very quiet...I don't feel like having conversations. I just want to lay in bed and be left alone. I do not want to be around anyone I just want to curl up by myself and be alone.

This Jesus girl doesn't cope well when life doesn't happen as she wanted it to. I want Abby back and to feel whole again! :(

This sucks!!

It hurts

My heart hurts so bad. If it were up to me I would honestly lay in bed all day and be depressed. However it's not going to make life better walking around with a cloud over me and Abby absolutely did not like seeing me upset. This is probably the hardest thing I've been through. I will say I have prayed for strength many times but yesterday I experienced God's strength through me in a GINOURMOUS way! There was no way I could've lasted all day if it wasn't for Him pouring in His strength and Him placing me in the job I have with the most loving caring people around me. And you know Facebook is a beautiful tool to use to lift others up and gather in prayer. I felt the prayers going up yesterday. Going home after work was tough. Abby is supposed to be there and it hurts that she isn't. There was a moment my husband and I were on the couch and our other girls jumped up with us and it was all four of us and I looked at the girls, I looked at my husband and we both started crying. (sorry hubs i blew your tough exterior)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This hurts bad!!

Hubs and I looked at eachother later in the evening and we were bored. Taking care of Abby these last few months took up all our time. I went into the laundry room to feed the other girls and saw Abby's blanket and dish. I don't want to wash the blanket she laid on or the dish she drank out of! :,(

Please pray for Brooke. She is only six months younger than Abby but she has the same parents and she is sad sad sad. She just mopes around. Riley our two year old sniffed around for her yesterday but she seems pretty ok. Brooke I worry about. She lost her sister.....I sob at that thought of losing mine! ugh! Poor Brookie. :,(

I have a conference today I signed up for with the church I started going to and I don't want to go honestly. I'm hurting and I don't know some of these people that well and it's a conference for church leaders and I haven't even been going every week since Abby's been sick. All I know is I feel this crazy calling over my life and I felt like I should go so once again I need God's strength BIG TIME today!! Maybe this dream of mine will have it's first little breakthrough and there will be divine connections. To be a worship leader and sing every Sunday would be AWESOME!! God orchestrates crazy stuff so you never know!?!?!?

I pray you all have a beautiful day!
♥

I feel Peace

I don't want to be here right now typing but I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit. If you ever accepted Jesus into your heart and you develop a close relationship with Him you learn to "feel" the spirit within and you learn to obey. Can't say I always do but I'm a work in progress....

Abby took a turn for the worse on Friday. She was just so so weak. Saturday she was still eating. We had been feeding her 5-6 small meals a day just to help her gain weight and strength back and she didn't seem to gain any weight but she was truly looking healthier if that makes any sense at all. Last Tuesday she didn't potty in the morning so of course being the worried mama that I am I went home and let her out and it was GORGEOUS out that day I remember and we had a beautiful time! She walked far just to potty and she layed in the yard while I played ball with the other dogs. It was a blessed day! Then she seemed extra tired the next couple days which was normal recently with all of this. It seemed one great day and then several bad days and we just came to accept it as the Lupus. Well Sunday the husband and I just knew something was very wrong. I'm not going to go into detail with things but she had much more worse with her than Lupus....she had to of. She ate and drank very little Sunday and in the evening things just got worse and Monday morning was bad. I called the vet to get more prednisone but asked questions on "making that appointment". Monday evening was the worst yet and it was clear what we had to do. This morning I made the appointment and tonight we said our goodbyes. As I sit here typing this I think I'm in the angry phase of mourning or something. I don't know what phases there are I never truly lost anyone close to me. I lost my grandma to ALS she was only in her 50's but I was so young and Sam's cousin was only 40 but I wasn't close to him sad to say. Everyone else I've lost in my life lived a beautiful long life. I experienced death with my dear friend Leah when she lost her fiance to a motorcycle accident. That was rough walking through some of that with her. Death sucks! Now here I am.... for anyone who knows us knows that these dogs are our kids. They are our life I mean our world revolves around them. Call it an unhealthy attachment to pets or whatever you want but we love our dogs! Abby was only seven! She was robbed of a full life! I don't get it! It's not fair! A big part of me wants very much to be angry with God! I prayed for healing and Abby was getting better what happened? Why? She was a good dog, so loyal, so special, she was my very best friend. When I was going through my season of depression she was right there. Why her? Why now? Why does the bad stuff seem to always happen to good people?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????

I can't be mad at a God who is crazy in love with me. With a God who sent His son to die just so we could have life with Him again someday. So we could take the authority back from the enemy. He wanted us to have a life of peace but it was ruined with one moment in the garden. The world became destructive and He had to save us by sending Himself in the form of a man so when He died His spirit could live inside of each and everyone of us if we accept Him.

Jesus died for me and I absolutely deserved squat! I have to rest in Him knowing His plan is much better. We each have a certain amount of time here on earth and man if we get to live to be in our 90's that is truly truly blessed. I have to keep pressing on remembering I am here for one purpose and that is God. I desire more than anything to fulfill HIS will.

I had a war going on inside me today. A war between flesh & spirit. My flesh didn't want to let go. I selfishly wanted Abby with me always but my Spirit had this peace that it was time to let go. I could not have gone to work without God's strength in me. There was a meeting I very much wanted to be a part of at work and let me tell you after that meeting I felt like jello. Thankfully I was able to leave early to spend some time with my Abby girl before well....yea....
I declared peace over the room at the vet and let me tell you God answered that prayer in a big way. Everything just went so smoothly & peaceful it truly did. In this bizarre way I feel peace even though every part of me from head to toe hurts and I think I've cried enough to fill the Juniata River (dramatic much)
I feel peace within...

I pray whatever you may be going through that you are covered in God's peace. Thank God today for life and go hug your pet.

Abigail CurlySue Goshorn

1-31-06- 03-12-13

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♥

It's not fair!!

Abby is back to eating like the Lab she is. I am still cooking her food and now she is on a few different meds. She gained some weight back but she lost so much muscle mass she doesn't look herself. She is sleeping pretty well but that's basically all she does is lay around and sleep except for when she goes to the bathroom which we have to help her do.

It sucks!

I have these moments where I just get angry and wanna throw a "It's not fair" tantrum! She's only 7 but she looks 17. She watches the other girls run around and play ball and the look on her face....

oh the look on her face

I wanna cry!!

Ok I am crying....it sucks!! She barely walks and we have to hold her to potty because she doesn't have the muscle strength to do it herself. It is just so sad.

Then I think about my grandmother who died from ALS. My grandfather spent many years taking care of her. WOW! What a great man! He fed her and bathed her and was with her every moment. Then I think of my past supervisors son who is only in his 40's and has this disease. Why?

WHY?

I understand the enemy created disease this is not from God we should not use this as an excuse to be angry with God!! This is the enemy's plan to shake us....to get us off of God's path. I think of the young man with ALS and how he has such a great attitude through all of this. My grandmother had such a beautiful spirit about her as well and my grandfather never once complained about taking care of her. WOW! We need to take our difficult hardships and find ways to glorify God!

How can I use Abby's story to glorify God?

My constant boast is God, I can never thank you enough! Psalm 44:8

God I praise you for the beautiful 7 years Abby had and now I ask that you give us strength as we continue to take care of her and keep her next moments/years beautiful!! When I throw my it's not fair tantrums I have to remember that you dying on the cross for me absolutely was not fair. I don't deserve your love but I praise you for it! I am blessed!

♥

Abby is a fighter

A diagnosis has been made. She has Lupus. Not certain of all the details I have been doing a lot of reading. It is not cureable but is treatable. Right now we are just trying to get her eating regularly again and get some weight back on. She is back on steroids but that's it for now.

I am cooking all her food. After doing a lot of research I decided to go the Holistic diet route. It takes extra time but it's worth it!! She still isn't sleeping all night and we are still getting up a few times a night but we will get through it.


We love our Abby girl!! She is getting stronger everyday!!

♥

Love

Abby stopped eating. I came home yesterday and I had in my mind that we would take her to the vet and have to put her down. She is skin and bones and looks awful. I tried to stay strong but I just wasn't. I would go back into my crying fits and then I would pray and then I would cry. I don't want to be dense about this....if it's her time I will accept it but the difficult thing has been nothing is showing up wrong with her so we want to fight for her life absolutely!

Then I question~

We are to come boldly to the throne with our requests. I pray boldly and I believe with all my heart God can heal but then there's this reality of 'What if it isn't God's will?' Is that just an excuse we make so we don't get our hopes up? I mean sure maybe it isn't God's will but is it so bad to just pray, leave it there, and believe BIG?!?!

My husband.....wow he amazes me! He had faith last night when I didn't. We are believing for a miracle here. The vet gave her a shot to help the nausea and we are praying she starts eating again.

This has been a roller coaster!!

Holy Jesus


God is so faithful and He wraps you in His love and it's such a feeling. Why do we doubt His goodness?

Why?

I pray on this Valentines Day you are filled and overflowing with His love so you can give and show it to others. I pray for a joy everlasting!

♥

Abby update

So I confessed through writing and to a few people outloud that I believe Abby was healed. However days went by and she wasn't improving and when someone would ask how she was I started to become negative, concerned, worried. Now of course being worried is just a part of being a mama I'm sure however I don't want to be this little fake Jesus girl. When I say something I want to back it up and continue believing it. God is showing me to watch what comes out of my mouth and friends it is soooooooo difficult. My flesh is hurting bad! I just never truly realized how much negativity consumes me. The snarky comments, the judgments, shame on me!! No wonder I fell into depression all I spoke and all I thought was focused on ME ME ME and soooooooo negative!! I'm a work in progress but God is so sweet and powerful things happen when you start speaking His word outloud, when you start being positive and turning conversations around, yup I mess up but it's ok I'm not perfect!


So anyway off my soapbox and onto Abby. She is not improving so I took her for Xrays. The xrays once again showed no signs of cancer!!! PTL!!!! The vet wouldn't 100% diagnose what's going on (because I don't think she knows). All she could say was she has the lungs of a very old Lab (she's only 7). We got more meds which are making her sick and now she won't eat which is a side effect. Why do we take medicines that heal one thing but cause other issues? It blows my mind. She's also on lasix so we are up a few times during the night letting her out and the prednisone makes her thirsty so she likes to get up in the middle of the night for drinks as well. (yes we is sleep deprived) She still just lays around. She can barely take a few steps before laying down for a rest. It makes me sad. I feel helpless.

All I can do is trust God and enjoy every moment with her. Keep thanking Him for allowing me to take care of her.

She's such a sweety!!

Oh you want to know about the diet?

ummmmm

O_0

Power

I have to start from the beginning on what I've been dealing with in my spiritual life.

It's been HARD HARD HARD

And I'm warning you now to have an opened mind because you are about to know me a little more and yes I am a crazy Jesus freak!

I have been met in a big way by God. He has answered a ton of prayers I have been praying consistently about the calling on my life. I found a church, I have been digging deep into His word, etc... You know the "normal" Christanese stuff. With that all said I still felt this dread around me. I still almost had a little bit of the depression emotions in me and I couldn't figure it out. Then I started praying the

"I surrender all" prayer
"God I'm moving out you move completely in" prayer
"More of you less of me" prayer
"God show me what in my life is coming in between you and me" prayer


Well, God has shown me my thoughts and my words are so so so so very important! What I speak is what's in my heart. What I think is what I will eventually speak out and so on. I have got to get a handle on my thoughts and what I speak.

Then He reveals to me that I have allowed the Spirit of Indimidation into my soul. This is a spirit from the enemy. The enemy uses this against us to get us off of God's path for our life. It explains the insecurity, the fears, the depression, the anxiety, the wishy washy behavior and confusion, and so much more.....

Storytime~
So a few weekends ago my husband left around 4 a.m. to go hunting. I was awake and went out to the kitchen, brought Abby in the bedroom, turned the night light on, did some facebook, and then tried to go back to sleep. I didn't get back to sleep because I heard a noise and in my mind it sounded like a woman screaming and crying. (Bobcats sound like this which I had no clue at the time) I stood straight up and said 'What do I do?' I was so scared and I shook so bad I couldn't move. I will not repeat the thoughts that started flowing through my mind but I will just let you know I watched murder crap on t.v. and.....ugh! So my entire weekend was spent in fear pacing around the house rebuking what's his face and reading bible verses outloud. Thinking I'm crazy yet?
I can't stress to you enough how much power God's word has. I'm telling you it was a fight for my life but He broke through the fear. I still have insecurities about being alone at night until the hubs comes home but wow it is nothing compared to that weekend. POWER IN TRUTH!! And this is how cool God works.... there is going to be a bible study on a book I just bought from John Bevere called Breaking The Spirit of Indimidation!! I am sooooooooo super excited!!!

Ok onto Abby

So again here comes the crazy just warning you~

If you would've saw Abby last week you would've seen how bad she was. She could barely walk, she got so out of breathe, and she was very spacey. She would just sit looking around the room it was awful. Oh and she picked weird places to lay like on my shoes in the closet.....strange. This dog honestly looked like death so when I took her to the vet and she said cancer I believed her. People there were a few times that weekend I thought she was taking her last breathes. There was one moment Sunday she came upstairs (which she hasn't done in a month) and she wanted in the closet. I thought she wanted to go hide to die. It was the saddest moment for me. So I just laid on the floor with her and talked to her and I layed my hands on her and was praying. At one moment I kid you not I pictured Jesus picking her up and holding her and then in the next moment she was doing her happy dance.

He healed our Abby I have no doubt in my mind!! NONE!

Monday when the husband and I started talking bloodwork I had this peace that she was fine. (of course I started to doubt from time to time that's how the mind works but you have to push those thoughts out)

Bloodwork came back yesterday and she has no cancer!!!!! Infact she has NO DISEASES at all!!!!! Just this skin infection we still need to deal with.

We aren't out of the woods yet but the power of prayer and the power of God's healing has been shown to me in such a HUGE way!!! You can tell me the vet shouldn't have diagnosed her like that without knowing. You can tell me she didn't have cancer from the start...tell me whatever your opinion is

God healed her

I'm a proud Jesus Freak!

♥

Tests

So we got our Abby tested yesterday to make sure it's cancer for sure. We will find out today and I have a peace about whatever the outcome is.
(Yes, we were just going by our vets thoughts and opinions before....)

pretty dumb huh?

This morning it made me think how sometimes we treat our Christian walk. We expect our pastor to "feed" us Sunday to last us all week. We go by what he talks about and the verses he reads and we believe him and his annointing. Friends, we need to dig into the word for ourselves as well. We can't put all that pressure on our Sunday morning worship we have to worship everyday. We can't expect everything our pastors say to be true we have to find out for ourselves. ( I am absolutely not telling you to doubt your pastor don't misunderstand this. I am saying to read the bible and know God intimately for yourself don't expect everyone else to spoon feed you)

Just like we are finding out for ourselves what is wrong with Abby instead of going by one persons opinion.

ALSO gossip~ we can't just take what we hear and take it as a truth and then keep repeating it to others. And saying to someone else "I'm not sure this is true BUT..." counts too.... STOP DOING IT!!

I need to leave for work so I'm sure I'll fix this post up or add to it but I wanted to get these thoughts out quick before I left it go...

Our Abby

I have been walking through fire these last few weeks(i'll share in another post sometime). God has revealed Himself to me in the most amazing way.....He has covered me with His love. I felt so full of the Holy Spirit

And then

Bad news

Our dog Abby who is only 7. She is ONLY 7!!! Have you ever looked up the definition of cancer?

Dictionary.com says this: any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively

Destructively? what's that?

DESTROY

what's another definition of destroy? to defeat completely


I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't angry. You can be angry and not sin.....but I feel I put up walls with God this weekend. My spirit is so broken I cry and then I'm ok but then I look at her and I cry again. This dog was with me through some dark days of mine. She would come up and curl next to me when she saw me cry. She would sit with me when I journaled, or read the bible, or just read a book. This girl had such a heart. In the morning we would dance to Mandisa's 'Good Morning' song. I would tell her to do her happy dance and she'd spin in circles it was the cutest thing ever.
Now as I type this she is laying by the bed and doesn't have a lot of time left. Cancer has taken over her body. I sit here with my bible in my lap and praise/worship music on but I feel so empty. I am so crushed! Then a text comes through:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18


Those little reminders that God is still here. A little love note from God telling me to press into Him. Let Him take my hurt, take my anger, take my crushed spirit. A reminder that I can't let this defeat me. Cancer may defeat Abby but I can't allow the enemy to let my hurt turn to bitterness and build up destructive walls between me and God. The enemy wants to use this to destroy God's plan for my life. He wants me to be angry with God. I have to keep pushing out thoughts I get and replace them with God's truth!

Thank you God for allowing us to have seven beautiful years with our Abby. She has brought us so much joy and I praise you for her! Please take good care of her Lord and she does a mean Happy Dance!!

Trucking along

Insanity is going ok.... I say ok because I am so flipping TIRED!! GRRRRR!! So I haven't been doing it every day but I'm trucking along. With that said I started logging my food and OUCH!
I need to be darn tootin' thankful I have not gained back weight! YIKES! Shame on me! It's time to dig into Made To Crave again fo' sure!!

My soon to be sister-in-law joined me last evening and it was fun having a partner in the insanity maddness!! Wanna know a secret? I really wanted her to be exhausted and sore sore sore..... How evil is that? Would it seriously make me feel better about myself in some way!?!? Really?  I mean I took three months off I guess I wanna believe I'm still a freaking ninja or something! HA! She said she wasn't too sore today but let's wait until tomorrow! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!

(love you sissy~ mwuah)

♥

Diggin' Deepish

Zacchaeus the short guy

This morning's Daily Bread was in Luke 19 and about Zacchaeus. I like Zacchaeus! He was a cool dude! He was someone I learned about at an early age with that little song about the Sycamore tree!

Ok yea the taxpayers didn't think he was so cool but I can relate to him because

A. He is a sinner
B. He was short~ short people ROCK


What stood out to me today was the kid overpaid taxpayers and pocketed the excess and became rich. So he wasn't very popular YET

YET

Jesus still met him where he was. Well, Zacchaeus had to climb a tree to see him and Jesus picked him out of the crowd and invited Himself to his house. WOW! AND guess what the crowd did? They COMPLAINED!

⁷ All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”


There is nothing nothing nothing we can do to earn God's grace! NOTHING! So why do believers *cough cough* sinners complain so much about other sinners?

STOP COMPLAINING!!!

Philippians 2:14

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing,

We need to be praising God for His love and that no matter what we do in life He still offers forgiveness & salvation. How offensive we can be to God but His grace is just AHHHHHH we don't deserve it!

Thank You, Lord Jesus for loving us and for sacrificing your life so that we can receive the Holy Spirit in us! The Holy Spirit isn't just available as a free ride to heaven but as strength to finish out your work! Help us to finish this life right and honor only You father!

♥

 

Scrape me off of the floor

I was even more sore the next day and didn't work out. I crawled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom it was a crazy sight. Oh Man I need to learn NOT to go that long without doing some kind of exercise where I'm using my muscles. Yes I was still going to the gym three times a week but let's be honest I was doing the same thing and using the same weight of weights and not challenging myself.

BAD BAD CHOICE

I worked out last night after work and man oh man I just don't remember these workouts being this frustrating!! Yet after I finally completed I felt so empowered.....well I felt empowered while I was still on the floor huffing and puffing! HA!

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Even if your goals have nothing to do with weightloss keep at them! Push through!!

Phil 4:13

dig deep!!!
♥

First sore muscles of the year

Welp I am sore today!! And so it begins....

I am about to do another INSANITY workout please pray for me!

LOL

I am enjoying these days off of work and let me be honest in saying I truly don't feel like working out right now. I would much rather curl up on the couch with my soft cozy blanket and sugary latte reading a book HOWEVER I know it's good for me & my body so

Let's Do This!!

I can read after I workout!


DIGGING DEEP in 2013

New Year New Goals New Mercies

Happy New Year!!

2012 was a challenging year but such a good year! 2012 was my year of redemption! As I look back on it I am so humbled and so so thankful! God carried me through some challenging events and He never never forsakes us! ahhhhhhh so in love! ♥

I am not gonna lie I enjoyed eating whatever I wanted and not gain weight. I never experienced that before. In the past if I went on a two day binge I could gain five pounds back so quickly and sometimes more but for whatever reason these last three months I've maintained my weight. HOWEVER if I'm going to carry out God's plans for my life it's time to get back in the healthy boat because let's face it I am not feeling 100%. I get tired easily, I am weaker, I feel lousy, etc.. So I started Insanity today and only got through the fit test! I am exhausted! (((sigh))) I lost strength and I can't expect to just jump back in where I left off when I took a three month break. It's going to take hard work, consistency, dedication, renewal of my mind etc...

Make friends with your treadmill peeps YOU CAN DO IT!! God has amazing plans for your life but you have got to take care of your body where the Holy Spirit dwells!

YOU WERE MADE FOR MORE!!

This also makes me think about my relationship with God. I can't just live life my way and fall into the arms of God when things go bad. Of course God will be with me everytime I fall. His mercies are new everyday PRAISE GOD but if I want to truly live a greater life for Him I need to walk in His presence every single day even on the good days! Sometimes I have a tendency to take back control when things are going well. I am determined to break that habit! This year in 2013 I want to be with Him every moment of everyday! To crave Him! To desire to walk in the Spirit and to stay tuned to His voice leading me.

January 3.
Keep in Touch with God- Joyce Meyer

Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes]... But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night.
Psalm 1:1-2

Keep in touch with God today; stay tuned to His voice. You may have a plan for the day, but God may lead you in a totally different direction if you are sensitive to the Holy Ghost. Be brave enough to flow with what you feel in your heart God wants you to do.

Today is going to be a good day. Listen for the voice of God to lead you. Be determined to walk in the Spirit and stay in the flow of God's leading today.

Starting Your Day Right: Devotions for each morning of the year.

I am excited for God's plans in 2013! Let's make this a GREAT year for God!!