Kindness

When I started planning my birthday and doing the 30 acts of kindness I was so excited! I declared Love over 2013 and this idea was just perfect! Then life got in the way as usual and I became the Jesus girl who becomes shaken when things don't go the way SHE planned..

I became disconnected with God because I am unhappy with HIM. In December I said, "Yes God no matter what no matter how uncomfortable I will do YOUR will I SAY YES!" I surrendered and I felt God's presence BIG TIME! I was so excited to do God's will I couldn't stop seeking His face and spending time with Him. The Bible truly is The Living Word!! God was teaching me new things everyday. God was revealing things to me through His word and through other people it was so beautiful. Then 2013 came and things started getting uncomfortable. I started walking through some fire but God carried me out each and everytime. I remained in the word and kept pressing on but then a piece of my heart was ripped out when we had to make the decision to put our Abby down. I prayed over her for healing and I saw Jesus carry her and her results were coming back with no illness or disease and we were praising God so WHY did it come to this? Why did she go downhill so fast? Did I start doubting? Was it my fault? Why did I have to lose her? I am still heartbroken and I became very angry with God's plan if I'm being completely honest. I shut myself off and walked around with this heavy cloud over me and I didn't feel like planning this Acts of Kindness at all.

God revealed something to me one day I was really having a tough time losing Abby. He reminded me of the oil press....the moments before Jesus went to the cross. The suffering He endured to push through and continue God's will.

Mark 14:35-36 The Message

Going a little ahead, he fell to the ground and prayed for a way out: “Papa, Father, you can—can’t you?—get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want—what do you want?”

 

Jesus fulfilled God's will by going to the cross HALLELUJAH! He saved us by pressing on and suffering FOR US! What really hit me was AGAPE LOVE. The unselfish love Jesus had for God and doing His will and the unconditional love God has for US.

AGAPE!!!!!

 

I said yes to God's will no matter what! I can't expect the flood without a fire to put out! I can't embrace the resurrection without enduring the cross.

 

Matthew 7:13-14

 

¹³ Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it.

¹⁴ But the gate is narrow (contracted ^[k]by pressure) and the way is straitened and compressed that leads away to life, and few are those who find it.

 

Check out this Life Point from Joyce Meyer:

In Matthew 7:13-14 Jesus speaks of two different paths we can take in our lives; the broad way that leads to destruction and the narrow way that leads to life.

 

As I meditated on this passage, the Lord quickened it to me by saying, "Joyce, on the broad way there is room for all kinds of fleshly things like bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, and vindictiveness. But on the narrow way there is only room for the Spirit"

 

In the flesh it is easy to take the broad path, but the end result is destruction. It is much harder to take the narrow path, but in the end it leads to life.

 

Emotions tempt us to take the easy way, to do what feels good for the moment. Wisdom moves us to take the way that seems hard at first, but later on we find that it leads to life.
-from Joyce Meyer's Amplified Bible

 

 

I refuse to give up just because it got a little uncomfortable! I can't take the broad path this time it led me to destruction before I won't go there again! I'm living for my God and I want HIS will! I will continue to seek Him and enjoy this journey! What a blessing to be a part of this life at this time in His plan WOW! There is a flood coming my friends I can feel it I WILL press on!!
 

So back to planning my 30 acts of kindness and getting back out of the little bubble I go in when I'm hurt. It's time to change the world my friends!!

 

Proverbs 3:3

Amplified Bible (AMP)

³ Let not mercy and kindness [shutting out all hatred and selfishness] and truth [shutting out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood] forsake you; bind them about your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart.

 

 

 

I am going to do this over my birthday weekend starting April 5th. I am asking for the following donations:

 

Weis gift cards

Sheetz gift cards

Cash (small bills)

Quarters

Laundry soap (small containers)

Serenditpity gift cards

Cupcakes or any homemade baked good

Meals
Toilet Paper

 

 

Friday

1.       Pay for someone's coffee

2.       leave quarters & laundry soap at Laundromat

3.       send care package to a soldier

4.       give gift to worker(s) at Wine & Spirits store

5.       take cupcakes to ladies at Subway

6.       pay for someone's parking meter

7.       pick up trash

Saturday

8.       send thinking of you card(s)

9.       leave goodies for mail carrier

10.   donate toilet paper to Food pantry

11.   volunteer at Food Pantry

12.   bring goodies for waiting area at Food Pantry

13.   leave generous tip for waitress

14.   pay for someone's movie

Sunday

15.   give gift to church leader(s)

16.   take lunch to firemen/ems workers

17.   sing at Richfield Sr. Living

18.   leave money in random areas at Dollar General

19.   pay for someone's gas at Sheetz

20.   hand out Weis gift card

21.   take carts back at Weis

22.   give a mom a spa gift card

23.   leave inspirational notes or money on cars in parking lot

24.   give out happy face balloon to kids at park

25.   leave diaper bag in restroom at park

26.   leave quarters at carwash (Mc Alisterville)

27.   pay for someone's icecream at CreamStop

28.   BE SILLY- laughter reduces stress

(get well balloon on roadkill)

 

29.    

30.    

Letting the Holy Spirit fill 29 & 30

 

Pray for this weekend that lives will be changed!!

 

♥

 

The box

My Abby is inside of a box on our mantle and it's weird. We got her cremated because quite honestly my hubby couldn't dig a hole and she was such a big part of us that we wanted her with us always so that was our choice. I had a message on my phone from the vet that she was ready to be picked up and my heart sank. Oh what I would give for it to be just an overnight surgery that she was in for but that just isn't the case. I won't get to see her do her happy dance, stretch and greet me good morning after a wonderful night being sprawled out on the couch on her back sleeping, or grab a huge stick outside and bring it to me.
I walked into the vet and the girl handed it to me and I looked at it and mouthed thank you and quickly exited because I started sobbing. I cried almost the entire ride home but God gave me the most beautiful songs on KLove radio for comfort and then the dj read Jeremiah 31:13

Jeremiah 31:13

b For I will turn their mourning into joy and will comfort them and make them rejoice after their sorrow. 

 

 

What a sweet little love letter from God at the most perfect moment. A reminder that HE absolutely cares so very much for us and I need to keep pressing on trusting Him. His plans are good even though I may not feel so right now because I'm still hurting. He is hurting with me He knows how I feel.

 

And nothing is hidden from Your sight

Wherever I go, You find me

And You know every detail of my life

And You are God and You don't miss a thing

 

 

Life goes on

One week ago we had to make the hardest decision of our life. Today I have this dark cloud over me despite the beautiful sunshine outside.

I'm not dealing well at all with this loss and I'm uncertain as to what is at the root of it all. Life needs to go on, I can't walk around depressed bringing everyone else around me down. I can't expect everyone to watch what they talk about afraid I may start sobbing (which happened at work already). Now I'm not expecting myself to bounce back quickly and not be sad of course I will be sad but people the emotions inside this girl are CRAZY right now!!!!!! I am very quiet...I don't feel like having conversations. I just want to lay in bed and be left alone. I do not want to be around anyone I just want to curl up by myself and be alone.

This Jesus girl doesn't cope well when life doesn't happen as she wanted it to. I want Abby back and to feel whole again! :(

This sucks!!

It hurts

My heart hurts so bad. If it were up to me I would honestly lay in bed all day and be depressed. However it's not going to make life better walking around with a cloud over me and Abby absolutely did not like seeing me upset. This is probably the hardest thing I've been through. I will say I have prayed for strength many times but yesterday I experienced God's strength through me in a GINOURMOUS way! There was no way I could've lasted all day if it wasn't for Him pouring in His strength and Him placing me in the job I have with the most loving caring people around me. And you know Facebook is a beautiful tool to use to lift others up and gather in prayer. I felt the prayers going up yesterday. Going home after work was tough. Abby is supposed to be there and it hurts that she isn't. There was a moment my husband and I were on the couch and our other girls jumped up with us and it was all four of us and I looked at the girls, I looked at my husband and we both started crying. (sorry hubs i blew your tough exterior)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This hurts bad!!

Hubs and I looked at eachother later in the evening and we were bored. Taking care of Abby these last few months took up all our time. I went into the laundry room to feed the other girls and saw Abby's blanket and dish. I don't want to wash the blanket she laid on or the dish she drank out of! :,(

Please pray for Brooke. She is only six months younger than Abby but she has the same parents and she is sad sad sad. She just mopes around. Riley our two year old sniffed around for her yesterday but she seems pretty ok. Brooke I worry about. She lost her sister.....I sob at that thought of losing mine! ugh! Poor Brookie. :,(

I have a conference today I signed up for with the church I started going to and I don't want to go honestly. I'm hurting and I don't know some of these people that well and it's a conference for church leaders and I haven't even been going every week since Abby's been sick. All I know is I feel this crazy calling over my life and I felt like I should go so once again I need God's strength BIG TIME today!! Maybe this dream of mine will have it's first little breakthrough and there will be divine connections. To be a worship leader and sing every Sunday would be AWESOME!! God orchestrates crazy stuff so you never know!?!?!?

I pray you all have a beautiful day!
♥

I feel Peace

I don't want to be here right now typing but I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit. If you ever accepted Jesus into your heart and you develop a close relationship with Him you learn to "feel" the spirit within and you learn to obey. Can't say I always do but I'm a work in progress....

Abby took a turn for the worse on Friday. She was just so so weak. Saturday she was still eating. We had been feeding her 5-6 small meals a day just to help her gain weight and strength back and she didn't seem to gain any weight but she was truly looking healthier if that makes any sense at all. Last Tuesday she didn't potty in the morning so of course being the worried mama that I am I went home and let her out and it was GORGEOUS out that day I remember and we had a beautiful time! She walked far just to potty and she layed in the yard while I played ball with the other dogs. It was a blessed day! Then she seemed extra tired the next couple days which was normal recently with all of this. It seemed one great day and then several bad days and we just came to accept it as the Lupus. Well Sunday the husband and I just knew something was very wrong. I'm not going to go into detail with things but she had much more worse with her than Lupus....she had to of. She ate and drank very little Sunday and in the evening things just got worse and Monday morning was bad. I called the vet to get more prednisone but asked questions on "making that appointment". Monday evening was the worst yet and it was clear what we had to do. This morning I made the appointment and tonight we said our goodbyes. As I sit here typing this I think I'm in the angry phase of mourning or something. I don't know what phases there are I never truly lost anyone close to me. I lost my grandma to ALS she was only in her 50's but I was so young and Sam's cousin was only 40 but I wasn't close to him sad to say. Everyone else I've lost in my life lived a beautiful long life. I experienced death with my dear friend Leah when she lost her fiance to a motorcycle accident. That was rough walking through some of that with her. Death sucks! Now here I am.... for anyone who knows us knows that these dogs are our kids. They are our life I mean our world revolves around them. Call it an unhealthy attachment to pets or whatever you want but we love our dogs! Abby was only seven! She was robbed of a full life! I don't get it! It's not fair! A big part of me wants very much to be angry with God! I prayed for healing and Abby was getting better what happened? Why? She was a good dog, so loyal, so special, she was my very best friend. When I was going through my season of depression she was right there. Why her? Why now? Why does the bad stuff seem to always happen to good people?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????

I can't be mad at a God who is crazy in love with me. With a God who sent His son to die just so we could have life with Him again someday. So we could take the authority back from the enemy. He wanted us to have a life of peace but it was ruined with one moment in the garden. The world became destructive and He had to save us by sending Himself in the form of a man so when He died His spirit could live inside of each and everyone of us if we accept Him.

Jesus died for me and I absolutely deserved squat! I have to rest in Him knowing His plan is much better. We each have a certain amount of time here on earth and man if we get to live to be in our 90's that is truly truly blessed. I have to keep pressing on remembering I am here for one purpose and that is God. I desire more than anything to fulfill HIS will.

I had a war going on inside me today. A war between flesh & spirit. My flesh didn't want to let go. I selfishly wanted Abby with me always but my Spirit had this peace that it was time to let go. I could not have gone to work without God's strength in me. There was a meeting I very much wanted to be a part of at work and let me tell you after that meeting I felt like jello. Thankfully I was able to leave early to spend some time with my Abby girl before well....yea....
I declared peace over the room at the vet and let me tell you God answered that prayer in a big way. Everything just went so smoothly & peaceful it truly did. In this bizarre way I feel peace even though every part of me from head to toe hurts and I think I've cried enough to fill the Juniata River (dramatic much)
I feel peace within...

I pray whatever you may be going through that you are covered in God's peace. Thank God today for life and go hug your pet.

Abigail CurlySue Goshorn

1-31-06- 03-12-13

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It's not fair!!

Abby is back to eating like the Lab she is. I am still cooking her food and now she is on a few different meds. She gained some weight back but she lost so much muscle mass she doesn't look herself. She is sleeping pretty well but that's basically all she does is lay around and sleep except for when she goes to the bathroom which we have to help her do.

It sucks!

I have these moments where I just get angry and wanna throw a "It's not fair" tantrum! She's only 7 but she looks 17. She watches the other girls run around and play ball and the look on her face....

oh the look on her face

I wanna cry!!

Ok I am crying....it sucks!! She barely walks and we have to hold her to potty because she doesn't have the muscle strength to do it herself. It is just so sad.

Then I think about my grandmother who died from ALS. My grandfather spent many years taking care of her. WOW! What a great man! He fed her and bathed her and was with her every moment. Then I think of my past supervisors son who is only in his 40's and has this disease. Why?

WHY?

I understand the enemy created disease this is not from God we should not use this as an excuse to be angry with God!! This is the enemy's plan to shake us....to get us off of God's path. I think of the young man with ALS and how he has such a great attitude through all of this. My grandmother had such a beautiful spirit about her as well and my grandfather never once complained about taking care of her. WOW! We need to take our difficult hardships and find ways to glorify God!

How can I use Abby's story to glorify God?

My constant boast is God, I can never thank you enough! Psalm 44:8

God I praise you for the beautiful 7 years Abby had and now I ask that you give us strength as we continue to take care of her and keep her next moments/years beautiful!! When I throw my it's not fair tantrums I have to remember that you dying on the cross for me absolutely was not fair. I don't deserve your love but I praise you for it! I am blessed!

♥